Category Archives: Ruff Thoughts

#TBT: Dore Alley Fair 2010

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It’s been a very busy 3 weeks. Flew out to San Francisco to help out friends at Mr. S Leather and a trip out to Monteray’s Aquarium & to Big Sur. Once I returned home, it was time to really start tackling the task of organizing the Vendors for MIR. After that, as many of you know, I am a HUGE concert whore… and was time for LOLLAPALOOZA!

Trying to catch up on blogging some starting with quick coverage of Dore Alley Fair. Below are some fun photos from the Fair and photos from the store. The store was always busy with scene and other playing going on. At one point, I saw one guy getting fucked while getting blown. And then uber-cute “Fuzzy” yells… “Sir, Shoney’s a family restaurant. Put that away!”.

My gracious host also encouraged me to connect (and bind/beat/electrocute) a very hunky “TallJock”. This boy and I have been chatting for 5-6 yrs. Never really were able to make playtime happen for one reason or another. While it’s always a bit strange to be playing in somebody else’s dungeon (you don’t know where stuff is like when it’s your playspace), “TallJock” and I had an incredible time together. That boy knows how to take a beating (and voltage). We played for about 4 hours until exhaustion. Didn’t get off. So, we went for food and decided to go out afterwards. But, with the suggestion of my host that “TallJock” hit the bars in steel chastity. He clearly loved it as much as I did holding the hex lock key. Wish we had some photos of him in it. Next time. Later as the night ended, he stayed over, begging to blow me while he was locked away in Chastity. Great blowjob, as expected. Then, I held him close in my arms as we fell asleep… only to be awoken a few times by his “Baby Girl Bladder”. LOL! 😉

Dore Alley Fair is always an big “WOW” event. Lots of hunky men, extreme fetish gear and playing going on. I regret not bringing my new fancy camera but I was supplied photos by many others. Sadly, I didn’t get to play at the booth. I came back a few times but it was always busy with people getting single tailed, flogged, paddled, spanked etc. I don’t think there was ever not a scene going on at the booth.

Despite the persistence of 2 individuals, I turned down a flogging. I just haven’t been in a bottom headspace in a while plus … when I get flogged, I do it to “Break”. And I just didn’t want to be that next boy in line. I’m special, damn it! LOL! Nor did I want to be a sobbing mess in public.

So, let’s get to the fun stuff. Below are photos from Dore Alley Fair. Click on them for a bigger version. See ya at Folsom!




















Round 2 of Dore Alley Photos coming soon…

#TBT: My own Dore Alley Photos 2011

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I’ll be posting my own Dore Alley Fair photos as soon as I go through and do some shrinking/editting.  There’s a lot to pick from considering I was given a great deal from 4 other photographers.   For the meantime, here’s a simple photo I took with an iPhone camera.   I think it’s rather beautiful.

I shared this photo with a certain “Pocket Sized” boy.  He asked to be come out and be along side my Cop Boots at Folsom this year.  I wonder what my Daddy in SF would think of that?  

Story Time

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Heavy Duty Hood with Audio

Locked away in the Cage with a Heavy Duty Isolation Audio Hood, it’s been many hours (a day? 2?) since “it” has seen daylight…. or it’s MASTER. Bondage Mitts locked onto the boy’s hands followed by shackles on wrists and ankles. Rubber Chastity Shorts locked over steel chastity with some sort of unrecognizable remote electro in the shorts. it can’t tell if the electro is IN it’s Hole… or around it’s locked cock… or both. it just knows the electro could go off at anytime.

it’s fairly certain it’s MASTER is not at home. Most likely at work. Earlier, while fumbling around the tight closed quarters, it drinks water spout attached to the cage that it found and eats unknown substance from the bowl left (tastes like dog food and crushed medicine?) in the cage.

it listens/feels for MASTER’s Loud Boot Steps to return… but it’s difficult to focus because it continues to fall asleep and wake painfully erect in Chastity while listening to the white noise pumped into boy’s ears via the hood/earbuds.

Zzzzz…..

Heavy Duty Hood with Audio

How to have a Bondage Vacation PART THREE

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Luckiboy has sent in part 3 of his “how to have a Bondage Vacation”. If you’d like to ask him any questions, just leave the question in the comment area.

Thanks again to the very handsome and sexy Luckiboy for sharing.

-Ruff
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“How to have a Bondage Vacation”

Part Three

by Luckiboy

So far I’ve discussed: Being certain you want to have a bondage vacation, finding a Dom with whom you are a match, communicating before the captivity, and preparing for the trip. I’ll now move into the bondage vacation itself, but first a word about contracts.

Contracts

I have to admit, I am incredibly turned on by contracts. Just reading one gives me an instant erection. The terms it lies out so precisely and definitively are the best mental representation of your impending experience and as such are incredibly erotic.

Contracts are not necessary and some Doms don’t do them at all. However, there are two great reasons to create one. First, it clearly lays out the rules by which you will play and holds the Dom to them just as much as you. Second, it gets all the negotiation out of the way before hand. This way, when you are there you can focus on serving within the established bounds and fall deep into the submissive headspace. This will help ensure that it’s a meaningful experience for you…and the Dom.

And now a word of caution: Make sure you understand the contract 100%. Make sure you understand every term in there, everything that will be required of you, and every right that you are giving up. A Dom will hold you to the contract you sign.

Captivity: Down Time

There is a lot that can be discussed about the actual time of captivity. I think there are probably enough photos, videos, stories, blog posts, etc. to inform your perception of play time, of how a boy can be used and abused in bondage. But what happens in between? Just as life isn’t one long porn video, an extended bondage scene of 24, 48, 72 or more hours is not one long play session. I’ve yet to meet the Dom (or sub) who could physically keep up with that. If nothing else there are certain natural phenomena that need to be attended to.

You will find yourself bound and not used for significant periods of time. Depending on what you’ve discussed with the Dom, these could be complete breaks (perhaps with you locked in chastity), rest periods (where you might be locked in a cage with a pillow and some water), or “storage” (where you are at least fairly significantly bound and kept that way until needed by the Dom again).

Know what you can deal with, physically, emotionally, and mentally, before you find yourself in a situation that you won’t be controlling. Experience will inform you, so don’t jump three steps ahead. And you can always let the Dom know during your captivity that you can take more if you find that you can. He’ll love that, trust me.

But even the most experience players can run into trouble. Not so long ago I found myself in a sleepsack nearly alone for more than 12 hours. I was an emotional wreck when I was let go, and I take responsibility for getting myself into that situation. The Dom and I had multiple detailed discussions before I arrived. He is a skilled and safe bondage enthusiast (I was never in any real danger). However, I was not clear about my ability to be left like that for long periods, knowing that he planned periods when I would be left in bondage. I learned my lesson and approach new situations with more clarity.

So what do you do when you find yourself “unused” during your captivity, no matter to what degree you are bound? Here are some tips:
• Breathe. And breathe normally. Make sure you can breathe and focus on that. Use the time as a meditation where you focus on breathing.
• Getting bored? Well, first, don’t tell the Dom or he might give you something to solve that (like an electro butt plug that goes off at random intervals). Try to think of the story you would write about your experience. Or see what lyrics you can remember to songs you know. I often find myself humming when I’m in such a situation.
• Exercise. Well, OK, you might not be able to move much, but keep the blood flowing. If you have enough freedom, do some isometrics moving your limbs in as much space as you have. If you are fairly well restrained, wiggle your toes and fingers, and gently flex your joints. This will help you stay as comfortable as might be possible and ensure that you don’t have any physical problems.
• And if you really, really want to explore your submissive side, use the time to mentally submit, to emotionally let go. Repeat a mantra like “I belong to Sir, mind, body, and soul” or let your mind explore the boundaries of such a situation. Imagine the captivity was your life, that you were a true bondage slave. See where that takes you. And when Sir comes to use you again, you just might please him on a whole new level and grow even more as a bondage submissive.

I hope this information has helped. In future installments, I’d like to answer specific questions you might have, so add them as comments on this post.

Here’s Part One and Part Two

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How to have a Bondage Vacation PART TWO

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How to have a Bondage Vacation,
Part 2 in a series

by “Luckiboy”

Last month I covered some “pre-flight” necessities that any sub needs to consider before planning to travel for an extended bondage scene. Basically it broke down into two parts: Be sure you want to do this and Find a Dom you can trust.

Now that you’ve decided you really want to do this and you’ve found a Dom with whom you have a connection, it’s time to prepare for the trip.

Communication

Nothing is more important than clear, honest communication both before and during your captivity. Not only does it help ensure your safety, but it can really make your time with the Dom extremely satisfying for both of you. You should lay out not only all your limits, but anything you are curious about and anything you fantasize about. Not that it’s going to be about you dictating the scene, but letting the Dom into your head not only gives him a better idea of what to do to you, but it really gives him more control over you, which is what you are yearning for anyway, isn’t it.

There are many versions of the “interest” checklist available on the Web, here’s one: http://latches.webslaves.com/checklist.htm. I highly suggest filling one out. They can be quite specific and probably list things you haven’t thought of that might be wildly fascinating or concrete-hard limits. And when you are rating your limits, err on the safe side. The Dom can always push you further if you are reacting positively to a specific kink. Take caution with the Dom who doesn’t want any information about your experience, your limits, what you are looking for. It either means he is not experienced enough to work within and carefully push limits or that he plays at an intense level where there are no limits, and that’s probably not what you want…at least not your first time out.

And don’t be afraid to ask your Dom anything and everything. There are no bad questions. He may choose not to share certain aspects of your captivity with you in order to heighten his control over you. But you need to be comfortable with him if you are going to surrender control. True surrender requires trust. And it’s only by surrendering that you are really going to get out of this bondage vacation what you want…and probably need.

Which brings me to the other important thing about lots of upfront communication. The best scenes transpire when there is no negotiation once you are there, no backing-out, no way out. If you are exhaustive in your pre-trip dialogue, than you can agree to such an intense and real scene without hesitation. Any time I do a multi-day scene now, this is how it is set up.

Preparing for the Trip

Here’s a checklist of some things you should to do before you leave. These are just as important as making sure you have your passport before you head for that vacation to Mykonos.

· Leave the name, number, and address of the Dom with someone. If you can’t tell them exactly what you’re up to, tell them it’s the group leader for a weekend workshop you’re attending…which, come to think of it, isn’t far from the truth.

· If you’re the kind of guy who’s cell phone is permanently attached to his ear, you may want to change your outgoing message, since your phone is likely to be off for a couple of days. This will stop the incessant “where are you” calls from friends.

¡ Make sure the Dom has all your flight info, if you are flying, and call/text/email him as you get on the plane to confirm you made it on.

· Eat light and healthy for at least the day before. You’re body is about to undergo a lot of strain and you don’t want your digestive system having to work as hard as your muscles are about to.

· On the same note, stay hydrated, even on the way there. Dehydration is the most dangerous thing that can happen and with all the excitement it’s quite easy to get to that point.

· Hold off on cumming for at least 3 days before so you are nice and horny when you get there. Some Dom’s may order this period (or longer) and some may want you in chastity (the CB series travels quite nicely).

¡ If, like me, you are a boy with an extremely tight hole and you expect the Dom to make some, even light, use of it, work it out for a few days before. Use your fingers or a small dildo or a plug to loosen yourself up and help you practice breathing and relaxing when penetrated.

A lot of this is just plain common sense. Use your head…the big one on your shoulders. If you plan accordingly, you are on your way to what could be a life alerting experience.

Next time: Contracts

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READER SUBMISSION: How to have a Bondage Vacation

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A friend of mine has offered to do a few articles on Long Term Bondage. Below is the first installation. It’s great!
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“How to have a Bondage Vacation”

By luckiboy

I’ve traveled more than half a dozen times for multi-day bondage and captivity scenes in other cities. I even went to London once. I guess you can say I’ve been on a mission to experience the best bondage tops with the best playrooms and dungeons. I’ve been very fortunate to have done just that, spending sometimes 3 or 4 days locked up, always in some form of bondage, no way out.

These experiences have been (for the most part) incredibly successful. I’ve experienced new things, expanding my limits, or more accurately my horizons. I’ve met great guys. And I’ve learned a lot about myself.

To have such an experience there are some key things a sub/boy/slave/bottom needs to know and to do. These will not only ensure your own safety, but also make the experience special for both you and the Dom/Sir/Master/Top you give yourself to.
Be sure you really want to do this.

Being locked up in a hot Master’s dungeon is a common fantasy, and for most just that. You look at pics on the web, even some of those incredible (and mostly downright impossible) drawings, get hard, and think that’s what you want. Here’s a tip I call “Cum and Continue.” If you’re considering doing this and even discussing the possibility with a Sir and you’re getting all hot and bothered, go ahead and jerk off. Cum spectacularly. Clean yourself off and continue, if you can. Sure the sexual urge subsides, but if the urge to experience multi-day captivity has been wiped from your mind, then it’s not for you. If you go on a bondage vacation, you are going to spend a lot of time in bondage either without cumming or after cumming. If you can’t deal with that, then just be honest with yourself and understand it’s not for you.

Finding a match you can trust.

There are a lot of guys out there who would hurt you (and not in a good way) either because they don’t know what they are doing or because that’s what they really want to do. You have to be discerning. Here are some tips to help you evaluate your prospective Vacation Master:

1. Will he share pictures of himself where you can clearly see his face?
2. Does he have pics of his dungeon, gear, himself and/or boys in action? Both you and the Master may want an element of surprise and unknown, but in this age of digital cameras, he should be willing to let you see something, even whet your appetite a bit. Take a close look. Does it look like something you’ve seen elsewhere on the Web? Make sure they are genuine.
3. Will he give you references? Talk to other boys that have been there. How much experience does he have and how much experience does he expect you to have going in?
4. Will he get on the phone with you? DO NOT do this all via messaging on a leather site or via email.
5. Will he give you an address (that you can leave with someone)? Look it up on Google Maps and make sure it jibes with what they’ve told you. (Note that most will only give you an address when you’ve committed to go. But you should definitely get it several days before, not the day of.)
6. Does he insist you come immediately or is he willing to schedule? This isn’t something you want to rush into and perhaps he hasn’t done his own Cum and Continue test and is too wrapped up in his own fantasy.
7. And finally, can you carry on a conversation with him. You may want to remain in the roles you’ve established when you talk, but you should be able to have an open, pleasant, and clear conversation.

Stay Tuned for Part Two… and Three!


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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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Wishing all my Readers a very Happy and Kinky New Year!  
     Especially, the readers I have met that have become friends and playmates (you know who you are).  This little side hobby of mine has some nice perks here and there.  Your friendship is the highest amongst them.  

     Another shout out to fellow Bloggers, Photographers, Readers Contributors and Affiliates.  Thank you for sharing material that I in return can share with others.

     Man, so many people I would have liked to give a New Year’s Midnight Kiss to tonight.  But, that was clearly reserved for the one very special man in my life, the love of my life for 18 yrs now, who gave the most wonderful loving Toast at our party tonight that I’ll never forget.  I truly am blessed.  

     If I can pass along any words of wisdom I was reminded of in 2012, it would be something very simple.   Try to treat each other with Understanding, Respect and Compassion.  It’s very clear that over time, we gain an adopted family and sometimes, as Gay Men (and Women), each other IS all we have.  We need to be there for each other.   Love each other.  

And, yes, sometimes… “LOVEEEE” each other.  đŸ˜‰

“Give Compassion to receive Compassion”– M

See you all again in 2013!    

Play Hard.

Play Ruff.

Love,
Ruffy

RUFF THOUGHTS: “Loosing a Mentor”

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Just found out about a friend that passed away about a year ago. A Mentor from Denver we met on MSN chat like… 13 yrs ago… who held our hands (pulling them really) as we stepped out of that conservative Ohio “closet” and went to our first Gay Event in San Francisco. 

I remember him saying “You guys can hold hands out on the streets here” which made me feel so liberated and start to feel comfortable in my own skin. He took us to “The Loading Dock” in San Francisco and also to Folsom Street Fair where I wore incredibly loose leather chaps, white jock strap and a harness… with a colorful sunburn as a souvenir.  

It took years of events like this to finally feel like I didn’t need to hide like I did back in Toledo, Ohio.

He was one of those people that showed me how important it is to be supportive, understanding and patient to those just coming out. It is NOT easy for everyone even with progress in society. 

Bob and I hadn’t talked in years but I did get a chance to thank him at one point a while back.  For that, I’m beyond grateful and hope anyone who reads this takes the time, today, to thank those who have been there for them the same way.  

Love you, Bob….

-Ruff

Like I need another T-Shirt…

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Guy I know at my gym was wearing this today.   Gave me a good laugh as we have both been approached in locker rooms in the past by guys suggesting we “juice up to meet maximum potential” and then offering to sell illegal steroids to us.



I recently really pissed off one Muscle Mary Dealer at my current gym in Chicago when I told him “No, Thanks. I like my internal organs. There’s no need to cheat“. He had a look of total confusion afterwards, couldn’t process what I said and stormed off. These are the same guys who throw a total temper tantrum Roid Rage in the locker room when they can’t remember which locker they left their stuff in.