REBLOG: “Sometimes I Lie About My Depression Because the Truth Sounds Silly”

REBLOG: I’m reposting this blog entry today in tribute to one of my personal heros who died a year ago today. Please, take a moment to read this.

Take a moment to read this Gay Man’s description of the inner struggle many living with Depression must go through on a daily basis.  Even the most energetic and funny person with a positive outlook on life can be someone who is fighting with inner demons. You just don’t see it.  I commend this man’s bravery for putting his story (and face) out there for others to learn from.


Someday, I may share my own story but right now I think this man needs the recognition.   I also leave you with a favorite quote from a famous comedian to think about. 


“It’s difficult to be strong for others when when you’re having a hard time being strong for yourself”- Robin Williams



I’m constantly reminded of my own depression.

OK, maybe that sounds too dramatic, naïve, self-absorbed, or annoying. Maybe it sounds downright depressing.

Perhaps a better way to put it would be to say: I’m constantly, randomly reminded of my own depression. It doesn’t really matter where I am. I could be sitting in a room full of people I just met, walking home after work, or watching Beyonce music videos on YouTube (it’s a tragedy, I know). I could even be laughing when I feel it. But I always know when it’s there.

I’m not sure how to describe depression exactly. Does it make you feel sad? Yes. Down? Yes. But I think there is more to it than that…



Happy New Year!!! (belated)

I’d like to take a moment away from everyone’s endless hunt for Porn to thank everyone for reading my Blog which started as a silly little hobby I started 5+ years ago as a way to show a certain SIR the kind of play I was looking for.  It’s safe to say in that short period of time the world and internet have both changed a great deal.  Not necessarily for the better for a Blogger.   But, you know, despite the changes, it’s still fun. I enjoy expressing my kink interests, sharing what I find sexy and also very much enjoy promoting Kink Events around the world.  Especially the smaller events. Coming from a small town in Ohio, it’s rather moving to see the smaller kink events grow. 

So, you may have noticed that I took a little hiatus for about a month from Blogging.  Back in December, I organized a 2nd trip for 14 friends to go to Hawaii.  This year, we rented a house on Kealakekua Bay on the Big Island. It was crazy beautiful. Lots of adventures and laughing.  In the end, my vacation was nearly 2 weeks long on the island with some of my most beloved and special friends including my boy.  Life slows down while you’re on the islands.  It’s a euphoric atmosphere and very relaxing. I actually forgot to blog.



 A friend snapped this photo of me at Green Sands Beach.

So, after a month of very sporadic blogging, why start back up now?

Because, I’m fucking horny.  Chastity sucks.  (kinda)

During MAL 2014 I reconnected with a SIR I used to play with and have since been making regular visits to his home to serve him and his boyfriend.   These visits woke the sleeping “Giant Bottom” in me.  I’d been topping for years and loving it… yet, that bottom side of me went unattended to. Hell, I’ve even been a Puppy for them. It’d been 17 years since I had been in that sort of headspace.  They are the reason why I am currently “locked up” and suffering from a severe case of blue balls.

These SIRs are certainly “fulfilling” that “bottom side” of me (all puns intended) and I think finally I’ve learned a healthy balance between being Dominant and submissive that I’ve fought to achieve for years. This makes me very happy.

I’ve been “locked up” for 4 days now but haven’t cum in 10 days per SIRS’ orders before a nearly 3 day visit tomorrow (I’d go longer if work permitted).  As you might guess,  when I am horny, I want to blog more.  Being ordered to not to cum means more blog entries.  I’m hoping they keep me locked up more so that I’ll want to blog more, too.  

These new experience have made me think about the future of my Blog.   If I have a New Year’s Resolution to share… it’s that I want to step up the quality of my silly blog hobby by doing more editorial blogging sharing some of the fun I’ve been having as a bottom *AND* a Top. Not in attempt to brag or boast about my experiences but to hopefully inspire as so many others do for me.  In particular, to inspire guys my age that you can still have whatever kind of fun your heart (on) desires after you hit 40.  

Starting with a photo of incredible suspension bondage I was put through in SIRS’ dungeon.


 Happy New Year to all.  May you find balance and adventure in 2015!

RUFF THOUGHTS: I’m back… but didn’t leave

Welcome to the new location of my blog…

It’s about time that I went and upgraded to a “big boy blog”.  I just wish it wouldn’t have been as dramatic and rushed as Google forced it to be with their Policy Change regarding Porn. (They’re deleted adult blogs now)


A little history behind this Blog:

When I started the first Blog, it was a way relay my Kink interests to a certain SIR in my life. Posting photos and commenting about them connected us in a powerful way that I couldn’t vocally (a picture says a thousand words).   After a while, I started to see how I could use it to promote upcoming Kink Community events like the Chicago Rubbermen parties, small kink businesses, artists, photographers and charity events.  “Use my powers for good” if you will.  I also started posting information on Safe BDSM Play, displaying Reader Submissions, opinions/reviews on BDSM Gear and, of course, showing more and more kinky stuff found throughout the interwebs.  Giving credit where it’s due whenever possible.

Then, the whole affiliate program business started where I was having businesses like  *asking* me to advertise.  Which really isn’t that profitable to be honest but hey… “Bitches gotta eat”.

I seriously have done my damnest to make this blog be an even distribution of those affiliate programs AND what I originally set out this blog to be.  Anyone that knows me will tell you that I’m really self conscious about this.   I don’t want to come across as a sell out… but at the same time, in the last 5 years, I have seen those Events, Communities and small businesses *grow*… and I know I’ve helped introduce more than a few Reader Submissions to a new SIR or boy (you know who you are!).

So, that rare negativity I receive for this silly blog?   Whatever.

I also need to recognize the incredibly sweet interactions I have gotten from Readers (especially during that shitty week when Google pulled a serious douche bag move). In person at events and electronically, you guys have been very supportive (especially Metalbond, Sparky, “Stranger”). Even the trucker at a Indiana Turnpike gas station who recognized me and offered to show his appreciation with a handjob.  (Pass, but thanks!).   It’s because of Sparky of the NO SAFEWORD Podcast that I was introduced to NastyFukka who basically saved my Blog from what Google described as eminent death.

Thanks again to all.   Please feel free to update your Websites with my new URL.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled masturbation.  🙂