Pups

August 13, 2014

by DAN SAVAGE

I’m a 25-year-old gay male into puppy play. About a year ago, I joined a pack with one Sir and several puppies. I became very close to one of my “pup bros” and became his alpha—meaning between the two of us, I’m more Dom but still sub to our Sir. Fast-forward nine months, and the pack has fallen apart. My pup bro, let’s call him Fido, breaks up with his vanilla-but-open-relationship boyfriend. Having such a close bond with Fido, and already being sexual, I bring up the idea of dating. He is unsure. A bit later, he tells me: “I love you, but I’m not ready for a commitment.” But a couple weeks later, he tells me that a Dom on the opposite coast wants to collar him. I’ve talked with the Dom and don’t particularly get along with him, but I have tried to respect their connection. But now it seems like Fido is using this Dom the same way he used his past relationships—as a way to avoid dealing with his own stuff. Now he’s started pulling away from me, saying that certain things (sex and cuddles) with me feel too much like “boyfriends.” His Dom also doesn’t trust me because he thinks I have feelings for Fido. (I never said I didn’t.) To really make me feel like shit, Fido’s Scruff profile says he’s looking “ideally for a guy to cuddle with, laugh with, spend adventures with,” i.e., everything we used to do. Am I deluding myself? I thought this was a “not yet” situation. Pensive Upset Puppy

Read Dan Savage’s response over at

THE STRANGER