RUFF THOUGHTS: “Dealing with Emotional Vampires”

giphyWe all have lessons in life that have to be experienced repeatedly to finally learn from.  One of mine has been dealing with Emotional Vampires.   When people “dump” their day’s issues on you without so much as a “Hello, how are you today?” (huge pet peeve) …or … what I find is very common in the Kink World, people that are unsupportive (or “Judgey”) of your sex life and even your sexual comfort levels in comparison to theirs.  For example, I’m not a huge fan of Orgies where there’s just sex going on. Just not my thing. But, I do enjoy BDSM related Play Parties.  I’ve gotten some negative feedback from less kinky people saying they’re the same.   I agree (to a point) but still not my thing. Why try to make me feel hypocritical because I’m not interested in your Orgy?

Maybe they really think my kind of party is possibly more fun?  Or maybe they’re not getting invited to either kind?   Who knows.  But, it’s not worth letting anyone make you feel  hypocritical or like you are missing out.

Do what YOU are comfortable with pushing boundaries when YOU are ready.  

Below is a quick article that spawned my thoughts today. I don’t agree with the author’s thoughts on quickly writing off negative people without having attempted a mature conversation first… in most cases.   Choose your battles wisely.  There will ALWAYS be another Orgy or BDSM themed Play Party.

-Ruff

The care and feeding (and shunning) of vampires

Vampires, of course, feed on something that we desperately need but also can’t imagine being a source of food.

You have metaphorical vampires in your life. These are people that feed on negativity, on shooting down ideas and most of all, on extinguishing your desire to make things better.

Why would someone do that? Why would they rush to respond to a heartfelt and generous blog post with a snide comment about a typo in the third line? Why would they go out of their way to fold their arms, make a grimace and destroy any hope you had for changing the status quo?

Vampires cannot be cured. They cannot be taught, they cannot learn the error of their ways. Most of all, vampires will never understand how much damage they’re doing to you and your work. Pity the vampires, they are doomed to this life.

Your garlic is simple: shun them. Delete their email, turn off comments, don’t read your one-star reviews. Don’t attend meetings where they show up. Don’t buy into the false expectation that in an organizational democracy, every voice matters. Every voice doesn’t matter–only the voices that move your idea forward, that make it better, that make you better, that make it more likely you will ship work that benefits your tribe.

It’s so tempting to evangelize to the vampires, to prove them wrong, to help them see how destructive they are. This is food for them, merely encouragement.

Shun the ones who feed on your failures.

Original Article