“Say Goodbye to being a Mean Gay… it’s time to start cheering each other on”

“If your friends don’t shine, you don’t shine, and the brighter their light shines, the more that glow will reflect upon you.”

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“In early 2016 I was at a house party, surrounded by clusters of friends, all of them chatting and laughing. As I moved from group to group, it became clear that each conversation was about someone else at the party, or people who hadn’t arrived yet – gossiping that the happy couple were secretly on the rocks, speculating that so-and-so with the new gym body must be on something, and rolling eyes in dismissal of someone’s promotion, (“It’s not like he’s at a good company”).

I felt on edge the whole night, uncomfortable and unhappy around people I had thought of as friends. When someone bailed early and offered to share an Uber home I jumped at their offer. “You just know they’re talking about us now,” remarked my travel companion as the car door closed, and in that moment I knew two things. He was right, and I needed to make a change…”

Read the full Article HERE at Attitude Magazine

Happy New Year to my Readers!

A (very) quick wish to all my readers for a Happy New Year.

During our 10th “New Year in Gear” Party, my partner (yes! I have one! 22 years!) gave a very moving toast based off the key points below, before we all rang in the New Year together.

“Our tenth NYE Party in Chicago.
Acknowledge a difficult year with a:
Loss of dreams.
Loss of friends.
Loss of family human and furry.
Loss of an inspiration.
To death or to circumstance.

Now we move on to a new year. Learn. Fill it with love. Fill it with brotherhood and sisterhood. Fill it with family. Fill it with hope because without hope all is lost. Look for new beginnings and most of all don’t let the negative win”.

It was very emotional and understandably some of us were in tears myself included. I didn’t know he was going to do this. It’s one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had of my partner.

Granted, you sort of needed to be there to get the full effective of what he said but maybe some of it will inspire you.

 

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RUFF THOUGHTS: Growing past bad experiences

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Just ran across this older photo from San Francisco around July 2012.   I’m the boy in the Leather Straitjacket.  Another version of the photo in my blog banner above.

It had been a VERY long time since I had done a public scene like this.  I had a bad experience with a inattentive Bondage Top about 12 years ago. That experience sort of damaged my ability to trust others with total control over me in a public setting such as this.  Yet, I still craved this sort of fun years later. Some fantasies just don’t go away.

Time goes by fast and so do opportunities like this.  “Up Your Alley” Fair (Dore Alley) was approaching and I knew this Leather Top that would be attending the event.  He was (is) a close friend that I trust and thought “worst that could happen is that he’d decline”.   Man, it was still difficult to type out the question!  After getting my dorky nervous message… he replied “It would be my pleasure to have this experience with you”.     🙂

That day came and I sort of expected myself to back out but he was great with taking control by making solid plans on when to meet and what to wear.    It all happened so naturally and we had a great time.  This day was very special to me and will always be one of my favorite moments as a Leatherman.  Not just because it was a hot scene with an even hotter friend in full BLUF Gear (WOOF!)… but, because I pushed past the hurt and got to live out a fantasy once again.  

“Do I sound Gay” Documentary

I finally got a chance to watch the documentary “Do I sound Gay?”.  As we all know, every gay man has some sort of insecurity. Clearly, one of the most common is their own voice. This documentary covers this subject in great detail with many personal stories from gay men… and straight men.   One theory of how voices develop is based off the people that they are closest to when they are growing up.  I was closest (and still am) to my mother… who just happens to have raspy voice from smoking (yuck).   Ironically, I just took her, my sister and aunt to a concert Sunday night to see my childhood favorite Stevie Nicks who I’ve listened to since I was in my mother’s belly so I’m told.  So, in theory, if I had to, I guess I can “blame” my voice sounding so rough on being around smokers that listened to a lot of Fleetwood Mac when I was growing up.   LOL!

Growing up in Ohio where you needed to have that masculine voice (or get made fun of), I remember and now regret making fun of voices that were not considered masculine or whatever because I KNEW I was really no different than them.   That changed over time as I traveled the world and later moved out of Ohio to Chicago.  Great friendships have been made since then.  I love that now when I hear “Girrrrl!” or “Oh Hey Mary”  I smile lovingly instead of judging so harshly as I did back in my 20’s.   I also now have NO problem wearing any of my Kylie Minogue or Madonna tour shirts in public.

(Except for the one she signed. I don’t want the ink to fade!)  😉

I wish this documentary would have been made about 20 years ago.  I highly recommend it.  Especially in a time where tolerance of others seems to be taking a step backwards.

RUFF THOUGHTS: 3 great articles on DADDY/boy relationships

I’ve been missing my Daddy and SIR quite a bit this week.   While I have the ability to visit them 1-2x a month, the reality of not being able to see them again for possibly 3 months due to our work schedules has left me in a bit of a emotional lonely rut. Womp Womp!   This prompted me to Google “SIR/Daddy/boy relationships”.  While both are very similar, I found more material on Daddy/boy relationships than SIR/boy relationships.   

Of course, like any relationship, romantic or playful, it’s all about what works for the individuals involved.  What works for one couple may not work for another so try not to compare your relationship to others. It’ll only frustrate you both.  

Reading several articles today solidified one opinion I’ve had for a while regarding any roles in the Leather Community.  From Daddies, to boys, to SIRs to Pups… if you’ve committed to these roles, always be in touch and supportive of each other’s needs in and out of the bedroom or dungeon. Life does go on outside the chosen roles that we become accustomed to.  It’s not always about “showing Daddy your asshole” (from an article below).  LOL!   

I thought I’d share these 3 links that I found to be inspiring and fun.   They gave me a big much needed smile today.  🙂         

(I’ll have to do another entry on SIR/boy relationships very soon!)

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DADDY/BOY: LOVE, POWER AND MASCULINITY

Of all the role-playing scenarios that excite the gay male imagination (master/slave, coach/athlete, cop/civilian, doctor/patient, big brother/little brother), surely none is more potent than daddy/boy. The energy that gets activated between two men when one of them says “Show Daddy your butthole” is so deep, profound, and erotic that we can only call it mythological. The interplay of strong, protective daddy with adoring, obedient boy uniquely combines love, power, and masculinity in a way that Carl Jung, visiting his local leather bar, would call archetypal, meaning that it goes with the territory of being human. It’s not that everybody is turned on by daddy/boy fantasies, but we can all locate ourselves along the spectrum of being, having, or wanting a good Daddy.

Read the full article HERE

 

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6 TIPS FOR BEING THE BEST DADDY FOR YOUR BOY (part one)

Intergenerational relationships are nothing new. We’ve been dating in and out of our age brackets since forever.

But in recent years, something’s changed: gays have been getting even better at dating much younger or much older guys. In decades past, because of the closet and social stigma, it used to be far more common for older/younger pairings to have a creepy power dynamic in which one or both parties were taking advantage of each other.

Read the full article HERE

 

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6 PRO TIPS FOR BEING A GOOD DADDY’S BOY (part two)

Previously, Queerty’s given the daddies among us some tips for being good to their boys. Now it’s time to flip that, and talk to the young ones.

So, hey, kids. Good for you, you’ve figured out something that most gays take decades to realize: experience is sexy, and smart older guys can teach you things you never knew you never knew. (That’s a quote fromPocahontas. It’s a movie. It came out the year you were born.)

Read the full article HERE

LOL!

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This happened to me once while in Hawaii. My boy’s collar did not react well to the ocean’s saltwater. The lock froze shut in a sense. A quick trip to Home Depot along with some laughter and we were all set. Many memories were made on that trip.

Wise words from SIR Dart

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So somebody did you wrong and you’re legitimately hurt. Posting it on social media attracts an audience that will enjoy seeing you that way

— Dart (@DartsDomain) August 28, 2016

 

Fact is, we’ve all done it at some point. It’s a harder lesson for some to learn and even when we’ve learned from it we occasionally slip up.

Recognizing your own mistakes and learning to forgive is part of being a good human.  🙂