“Coming Out Kinky” by Nmpc on Recon

Most gay Leathermen and Leatherwomen have a second coming out in their lives that they define as “Coming Out Kinky”.   A point where they decide they are not going to hide that part of their lives anymore.  No longer ashamed of their interests and lifestyle.   Everyone’s story is unique in it’s own special way.  Here is one person’s moving and funny story.  


“Guilty Pleasure” by Nmpc

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“What are we listening to?”

The teenager flipped his hair out of his eyes. Tegan and Sara’s Body Work had just started for the second time as my iPod reached the end of the playlist and started over.

“Not a fan of lesbian duos going pop Evan?” I asked as I went over to find a new playlist.

“Do you like this stuff?” He asked scornfully.

I laughed at his self evident question.

“I take it you don’t?”

“Um, it’s okay I guess, my friends just don’t like it.” He went back to chopping green bell peppers for the salad.

“Does it matter what they think?” I asked.

Before he could answer the knife glanced off the smooth skin of the vegetable as he cut down. The blade sliced into his finger. Blood splashed onto the green cutting board. That summer our boss had introduced different colors for cutting different foods. Green for veggies, red for meat, white for bread, yellow for fruit, and blue for dairy.

The other kitchen supervisor sprang into action and ushered the now ashen faced boy to the first aid room. As I cleaned up the blood and threw away the peppers, I wondered if the question was unreasonable.

Of course it matters what your friends think when you’re 15, not much else does matter. I remember sitting in ninth grade science during work time going through each other’s iPods, making catty comments about other people’s music taste.

I remember labeling Britney Spears as Arcane Fire on my iPod, because Arcane Fire was “serious music,” while Britney was not and I wanted to be considered serious.

It took me until college to figure out that guilty pleasures are a method of cultural control. Serious music is indie rock and and folk music, pop music is a frivolous thing that queer people and girls like. We let the Pitchforks of the world declare a monopoly on cool, and until very recently cool were things that straight white men liked. Or things they absorbed from other groups when some sound was so undeniable that it could not be ignored.

Liking what you like and not being embarrassed to bring it up to anyone who asks for fear of seeming “unserious,” shouldn’t be so hard.

Yesterday I was sitting in a gay bar in Minneapolis. A drunk straight woman wandered over and began an unsolicited conversation about Robyn. Most people that know me well are aware of my devotion to Robyn, so we bonded over the perfection of Call Your Girlfriend.

Behind me on the wall were a collection of beautifully shot black and white photos of non normative sexual acts. She pointed to one of the pictures and suddenly we were talking about kinky sex. It was funny because she didn’t really seem all that confused or off put. It was refreshing, given the endless aggressions on queer people, both big and small, that run through popular culture.

The miserable rat pack of Seth Rogen, James Franco, and company turn out a stream of movies where gay sex is a punchline. Because gay people are fine, but our sex is gross, and two male characters being confused as lovers is funny.

I’m sure that these men are fine with the gay men that I’m sure are in their lives, but they clearly haven’t gotten over what culture has taught them about queer sex.

I spent most of last weekend at Twin Cities Leather Weekend. A number of people in my life asked me about what event was taking up my whole weekend.

There I was again, feeling shame about an immutable part of my personality and sexuality. I just referred to it as a general gay event, leaving out the word leather. Lying by omission to almost everyone.

The thing is I’m not really sure why. I spent time worrying about if pictures made it on Facebook. But who was I worried about? And why would they care?

Apparently I’m not as enlightened as I thought. I’d let the fact that a part of my sexuality falls farther outside of the norm than just being gay, and spent a lot of time and energy omitting that from any discussion of my life with straight people.

This weekend showed me that the leather community is going to be important enough to me, that splitting my life in half is not feasible or desirable.

So I guess this is a second coming out of a sort, odd as that may be.

I’m done feeling bad about being outside of normal.

Last night I found a piece of paper on the floor of the bar. On it someone had written “The Gospel According to Gaga.” It didn’t continue to reveal what those teachings are, but anyone below 30 has heard Gaga’s slightly hokey “Born This Way.” Of course she is not the first to preach radical acceptance in popular culture, but the song launched at #1 on the main American musical chart.

I guess there’s some hope for me. In the last three years I’ve lived at nine addresses in three states, truly believed I was going to die of cancer, but still met daring, magical people at every turn.

This time last year I lived in the wilderness of the North Cascades. This time next year I don’t know where I’ll be, or who I’ll be.

Hopefully I’ll have learned to give myself a break.

Probably not, but one step at a time.

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RUFF THOUGHTS: “Life lessons at Dore Alley Fair” (& a #TBT)


Here’s a Throw Back Thursday photo of myself at Dore Alley Fair 2014.  

This photo reminds me of an important life lesson I “re-learned” that summer.  You see, I had a well known crush on these two guys for a long while. When we talked, my mind sort of fogged over. This happens when I am really into someone including the image/role that they portraying (“Totes Dom Top”) and the hot gear they are wearing. I got nervous and awkward around the 2 hot men flirting with me at the street fair as we drank warm beer…. freezing up several times in mid conversation.    DERP!  

I’ve done this all my life.  I call it the “Peter Parker meets Mary Jane” syndrome.  You remember that scene from Spider-man, right?

Right at 00:25

But, the lesson I re-learned… for like… the billionith time that summer?   Sometimes, especially at kinky street fairs, S&M can just stand for… “Stand and Model”. Despite the flirting, they weren’t really into me.  I mean, the fair was closing and I still had not been ordered to lick any boots or drink their piss!  Wake up, Ruff!   

I still look back and laugh at this experience.  My pooooor widdle heart was broken that day!  Awwww… Poor Ruffy.  (Don’t worry, I got over it)  And, yet, this still remains one of my favorite photos.  

….You know, looking back, it really didn’t help that Daddy Richard had me in chastity for 2 weeks prior to that day at Dore Alley Fair….  


RIP David Bowie

“When you grow up being a little weird, you look up to other people who are weird, especially the ones the whole world seems to love. You start to view your weirdness as a gift and not a curse”

“Oh no love! you’re not alone
You’re watching yourself but you’re too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only make you care
Oh no love! you’re not alone
No matter what or who you’ve been
No matter when or where you’ve seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I’ve had my share, I’ll help you with the pain
You’re not alone
Just turn on with me and you’re not alone
Let’s turn on with me and you’re not alone
Let’s turn on and be not alone
Gimme your hands cause you’re wonderful”

“Thanks, man. You were really, really wonderful too. I’ll miss you”

I’ve been trying most of today to formulate words to describe how I feel about the loss of David Bowie.   One of my favorite fellow “weird” friends really nailed it.

RUFF THOUGHTS: BDSM Personality Test

It took a few minutes to fill out, but the results of my BDSM Personality Test are rather interesting. I may actually fill it out a second time as I find myself leaning more towards being a bottom these days. The survey confirmed that. But, I think it could be improved for versatile folks.

Here’s what I was “scored” at. Not sure I agree with it. LOL!

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Take your own BDSM Personality Test.

REBLOG: “Sometimes I Lie About My Depression Because the Truth Sounds Silly”

REBLOG: I’m reposting this blog entry today in tribute to one of my personal heros who died a year ago today. Please, take a moment to read this.

Take a moment to read this Gay Man’s description of the inner struggle many living with Depression must go through on a daily basis.  Even the most energetic and funny person with a positive outlook on life can be someone who is fighting with inner demons. You just don’t see it.  I commend this man’s bravery for putting his story (and face) out there for others to learn from.


Someday, I may share my own story but right now I think this man needs the recognition.   I also leave you with a favorite quote from a famous comedian to think about. 


“It’s difficult to be strong for others when when you’re having a hard time being strong for yourself”- Robin Williams



I’m constantly reminded of my own depression.

OK, maybe that sounds too dramatic, naïve, self-absorbed, or annoying. Maybe it sounds downright depressing.

Perhaps a better way to put it would be to say: I’m constantly, randomly reminded of my own depression. It doesn’t really matter where I am. I could be sitting in a room full of people I just met, walking home after work, or watching Beyonce music videos on YouTube (it’s a tragedy, I know). I could even be laughing when I feel it. But I always know when it’s there.

I’m not sure how to describe depression exactly. Does it make you feel sad? Yes. Down? Yes. But I think there is more to it than that…



I could watch this video all day….


I recently found out something ground breaking…

I’m no longer a Size Large. 

So, my loss is your gain on these two Latex items as well as Leather Chastity Shorts and RARE Thick Rubber Puppy Hood that is discontinued on the Mr S Leather website. They are all listed here on eBay.
I’m particularly heartbroken after trying on the Deluxe Invincible Rubber Latex Catsuit. I’ve been collecting Rubber and Latex for 21 years and this is by far the most impressive Latex Catsuit I’ve ever seen. Taking your own measurements can be a disaster. This disaster is your gain. Especially, if you live in the USA because you can avoid the ridiculous Shipping and Customs fee that come with ordering from overseas.

I’m actually going to set up an appointment with Invincible Rubber while I am there for Fetish Week London to have them measurement for the same damn suit. I like it that much.


– Cod piece with blue stripe
– Shoulder Entry
– Nipple Access by safe zippers
– Wrist Zippers to keep suit in place.
– Ankle Zippers to keep suit in place.
– Rear Access
– 0.65mm gauged latex
– Custom suit with measurements meeting the size LARGE category.







Also, for sale on EBAY is a **BRAND NEW**  Mr S Leather Skinhead Polo.  Worn once for an hour only to realize it’s too small for me.    




And, here is the discontinued Mr S Leather THICK Rubber Puppy Hood that is also for sale on eBay.  Made to last with posable ears and a removable muzzle.   I know there’s quite a few Pups and Handlers out there that were looking for one of these.  Somewhat of a collector’s item?

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Lastly, here are Mr S Leather Locking Chastity Shorts also available on eBay.    They have been broken in so the leather is very, very soft and yet… TOUGH.  These shorts can take the hard paddling your locked up boy deserves.

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If you have any questions about the items, feel free to send me a message through ebay.   


FOR SALE: Rare Spanking/Fisting/Bondage Bench


Thank you!

Hard to believe but this is one of those toys that’s been in my collection that I rarely ever used because I’m not really into Fisting or Spanking.  So, it’s been in our closet for some time now. I think we only bring it out for our New Year’s Eve party.   So, it’s time to find it a new home.  

From what I understand, this item is no longer in production  making it a somewhat rare and valuable item to those familiar with the legendary “BDG Sales”.

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Happy New Year!!! (belated)

I’d like to take a moment away from everyone’s endless hunt for Porn to thank everyone for reading my Blog which started as a silly little hobby I started 5+ years ago as a way to show a certain SIR the kind of play I was looking for.  It’s safe to say in that short period of time the world and internet have both changed a great deal.  Not necessarily for the better for a Blogger.   But, you know, despite the changes, it’s still fun. I enjoy expressing my kink interests, sharing what I find sexy and also very much enjoy promoting Kink Events around the world.  Especially the smaller events. Coming from a small town in Ohio, it’s rather moving to see the smaller kink events grow. 

So, you may have noticed that I took a little hiatus for about a month from Blogging.  Back in December, I organized a 2nd trip for 14 friends to go to Hawaii.  This year, we rented a house on Kealakekua Bay on the Big Island. It was crazy beautiful. Lots of adventures and laughing.  In the end, my vacation was nearly 2 weeks long on the island with some of my most beloved and special friends including my boy.  Life slows down while you’re on the islands.  It’s a euphoric atmosphere and very relaxing. I actually forgot to blog.



 A friend snapped this photo of me at Green Sands Beach.

So, after a month of very sporadic blogging, why start back up now?

Because, I’m fucking horny.  Chastity sucks.  (kinda)

During MAL 2014 I reconnected with a SIR I used to play with and have since been making regular visits to his home to serve him and his boyfriend.   These visits woke the sleeping “Giant Bottom” in me.  I’d been topping for years and loving it… yet, that bottom side of me went unattended to. Hell, I’ve even been a Puppy for them. It’d been 17 years since I had been in that sort of headspace.  They are the reason why I am currently “locked up” and suffering from a severe case of blue balls.

These SIRs are certainly “fulfilling” that “bottom side” of me (all puns intended) and I think finally I’ve learned a healthy balance between being Dominant and submissive that I’ve fought to achieve for years. This makes me very happy.

I’ve been “locked up” for 4 days now but haven’t cum in 10 days per SIRS’ orders before a nearly 3 day visit tomorrow (I’d go longer if work permitted).  As you might guess,  when I am horny, I want to blog more.  Being ordered to not to cum means more blog entries.  I’m hoping they keep me locked up more so that I’ll want to blog more, too.  

These new experience have made me think about the future of my Blog.   If I have a New Year’s Resolution to share… it’s that I want to step up the quality of my silly blog hobby by doing more editorial blogging sharing some of the fun I’ve been having as a bottom *AND* a Top. Not in attempt to brag or boast about my experiences but to hopefully inspire as so many others do for me.  In particular, to inspire guys my age that you can still have whatever kind of fun your heart (on) desires after you hit 40.  

Starting with a photo of incredible suspension bondage I was put through in SIRS’ dungeon.


 Happy New Year to all.  May you find balance and adventure in 2015!