Happy New Year to my Readers!

A (very) quick wish to all my readers for a Happy New Year.

During our 10th “New Year in Gear” Party, my partner (yes! I have one! 22 years!) gave a very moving toast based off the key points below, before we all rang in the New Year together.

“Our tenth NYE Party in Chicago.
Acknowledge a difficult year with a:
Loss of dreams.
Loss of friends.
Loss of family human and furry.
Loss of an inspiration.
To death or to circumstance.

Now we move on to a new year. Learn. Fill it with love. Fill it with brotherhood and sisterhood. Fill it with family. Fill it with hope because without hope all is lost. Look for new beginnings and most of all don’t let the negative win”.

It was very emotional and understandably some of us were in tears myself included. I didn’t know he was going to do this. It’s one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had of my partner.

Granted, you sort of needed to be there to get the full effective of what he said but maybe some of it will inspire you.

 

via GIPHY

“Do I sound Gay” Documentary

I finally got a chance to watch the documentary “Do I sound Gay?”.  As we all know, every gay man has some sort of insecurity. Clearly, one of the most common is their own voice. This documentary covers this subject in great detail with many personal stories from gay men… and straight men.   One theory of how voices develop is based off the people that they are closest to when they are growing up.  I was closest (and still am) to my mother… who just happens to have raspy voice from smoking (yuck).   Ironically, I just took her, my sister and aunt to a concert Sunday night to see my childhood favorite Stevie Nicks who I’ve listened to since I was in my mother’s belly so I’m told.  So, in theory, if I had to, I guess I can “blame” my voice sounding so rough on being around smokers that listened to a lot of Fleetwood Mac when I was growing up.   LOL!

Growing up in Ohio where you needed to have that masculine voice (or get made fun of), I remember and now regret making fun of voices that were not considered masculine or whatever because I KNEW I was really no different than them.   That changed over time as I traveled the world and later moved out of Ohio to Chicago.  Great friendships have been made since then.  I love that now when I hear “Girrrrl!” or “Oh Hey Mary”  I smile lovingly instead of judging so harshly as I did back in my 20’s.   I also now have NO problem wearing any of my Kylie Minogue or Madonna tour shirts in public.

(Except for the one she signed. I don’t want the ink to fade!)  😉

I wish this documentary would have been made about 20 years ago.  I highly recommend it.  Especially in a time where tolerance of others seems to be taking a step backwards.

RUFF THOUGHTS: 3 great articles on DADDY/boy relationships

I’ve been missing my Daddy and SIR quite a bit this week.   While I have the ability to visit them 1-2x a month, the reality of not being able to see them again for possibly 3 months due to our work schedules has left me in a bit of a emotional lonely rut. Womp Womp!   This prompted me to Google “SIR/Daddy/boy relationships”.  While both are very similar, I found more material on Daddy/boy relationships than SIR/boy relationships.   

Of course, like any relationship, romantic or playful, it’s all about what works for the individuals involved.  What works for one couple may not work for another so try not to compare your relationship to others. It’ll only frustrate you both.  

Reading several articles today solidified one opinion I’ve had for a while regarding any roles in the Leather Community.  From Daddies, to boys, to SIRs to Pups… if you’ve committed to these roles, always be in touch and supportive of each other’s needs in and out of the bedroom or dungeon. Life does go on outside the chosen roles that we become accustomed to.  It’s not always about “showing Daddy your asshole” (from an article below).  LOL!   

I thought I’d share these 3 links that I found to be inspiring and fun.   They gave me a big much needed smile today.  🙂         

(I’ll have to do another entry on SIR/boy relationships very soon!)

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DADDY/BOY: LOVE, POWER AND MASCULINITY

Of all the role-playing scenarios that excite the gay male imagination (master/slave, coach/athlete, cop/civilian, doctor/patient, big brother/little brother), surely none is more potent than daddy/boy. The energy that gets activated between two men when one of them says “Show Daddy your butthole” is so deep, profound, and erotic that we can only call it mythological. The interplay of strong, protective daddy with adoring, obedient boy uniquely combines love, power, and masculinity in a way that Carl Jung, visiting his local leather bar, would call archetypal, meaning that it goes with the territory of being human. It’s not that everybody is turned on by daddy/boy fantasies, but we can all locate ourselves along the spectrum of being, having, or wanting a good Daddy.

Read the full article HERE

 

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6 TIPS FOR BEING THE BEST DADDY FOR YOUR BOY (part one)

Intergenerational relationships are nothing new. We’ve been dating in and out of our age brackets since forever.

But in recent years, something’s changed: gays have been getting even better at dating much younger or much older guys. In decades past, because of the closet and social stigma, it used to be far more common for older/younger pairings to have a creepy power dynamic in which one or both parties were taking advantage of each other.

Read the full article HERE

 

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6 PRO TIPS FOR BEING A GOOD DADDY’S BOY (part two)

Previously, Queerty’s given the daddies among us some tips for being good to their boys. Now it’s time to flip that, and talk to the young ones.

So, hey, kids. Good for you, you’ve figured out something that most gays take decades to realize: experience is sexy, and smart older guys can teach you things you never knew you never knew. (That’s a quote fromPocahontas. It’s a movie. It came out the year you were born.)

Read the full article HERE

LOL!

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This happened to me once while in Hawaii. My boy’s collar did not react well to the ocean’s saltwater. The lock froze shut in a sense. A quick trip to Home Depot along with some laughter and we were all set. Many memories were made on that trip.

Wise words from SIR Dart

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So somebody did you wrong and you’re legitimately hurt. Posting it on social media attracts an audience that will enjoy seeing you that way

— Dart (@DartsDomain) August 28, 2016

 

Fact is, we’ve all done it at some point. It’s a harder lesson for some to learn and even when we’ve learned from it we occasionally slip up.

Recognizing your own mistakes and learning to forgive is part of being a good human.  🙂

Communication For Doms

Here’s a great article on communication between the Dominant and submissive.


Improve The Breed – Communication For Doms

Here are some ‘pearls of wisdom’ for new Doms on how to establish a healthy Dom/sub connection. Some of these pointers pertain to more intense play, but are good suggestions regardless of the type of play.

1. Communicate. Probably the most important skill to learn as a Dom, is how to effectively communicate. As the leader it’s your job to keep communication an open, two-way street. Subs often shut down or disconnect. It’s not because they are being defiant. Sometimes it’s part of their subspace experience, and sometimes they’re overwhelmed by what’s happening. They may perceive what you are doing as abuse, or relate it to a moment of abuse in their past. It can happen at any time, even when doing something you’ve already done before with no problems. Here are some tips to developing good habits to facilitate communication between you and your sub.

2. Be yourself. Even though Dom/sub relations are technically ‘role play’ most people want to play with real people. Especially in the beginning, subs want to know an authentic, personal side of you, and know that you are someone they can rely on, and they can trust.

When a sub offers himself to you it is a big deal, and he’s offering himself to YOU, not some fictional character. He wants YOU to lead him through any challenges and adversity. He needs your help. If you’re trying too hard or doing something that’s way out of character, then rethink your strategy. Your sub will see how uncomfortable it is for you and his confidence may waver. So start slow and easy. That being said, if you’re trying something new and it’s backfiring or turning into a clusterfuck, just stop, say that it’s not working out, and laugh it off. Bonding comes from sharing both successes and failures. Handling failures well is just as important as enjoying success.

3. Establish endpoints, and checking in: Unless it is your lifestyle, it’s a good habit to establish things I call ‘endpoints’ and ‘checking in.’

Endpoints: An endpoint is simply defining the beginning and ending of a BDSM scene. Create a time, before and after a scene, for physical contact and communication. Be positive, affirming, calm, relaxed. Smile, use touch, eye contact, and say something like, “we’re gong to have a really good time today all right?” or “You did a great job today, thank you.” Simple common courtesy. And listen to what your sub has to say.  Treat it like a ritual. Subs respond very well to this kind of consistency. It only takes a minute and it does a world of good towards building trust and camaraderie.

Checking in: Checking in can happen within a scene or can be used as a transition between scenes. It’s basically a short rest period – less than 30 seconds – where you ease up on stimulation, when a sub can regroup, verbalize his condition, think things out, relax a little, get ready for more. Think of it like a little chunk of aftercare inside of a scene. It’s a good time to re-establish a connection, check in with the sub and see how he’s doing. Speak with a comforting tone, be encouraging. Ask him “how are you doing?” Over a very short time he’ll become conditioned so that when he’s in this ‘safe zone’ he knows he’s physically safe from harm, and will come to relish those times and bond with you over them. It also serves as a reality check, allowing the sub to momentarily assert control if he wishes. When you’re ready to start up again, just say, ‘you ready?’ and listen to his response.

4. Handling meltdowns and catharsis. It will happen eventually. Especially if you’re involved with punishments or endorphin rushes, S&M and longer, more intense scenes. A strong emotional release….crying, or anger or fear. Grief, heartache, anguish, passion, joy, gratitude. A hundred emotions and powerful feelings all culminating together and overflowing. It’s like an unstoppable force that grabs hold of your body and doesn’t let go. At that moment, it can go either way:  It can be a powerfully positive cathartic experience – something life-changing that your sub will be eternally grateful for. Or it can be devastating to him – something that will leave him scarred, erase all the trust you’ve built,  and fill you both with regret.

The most important thing you can do as a Dom at that moment, is BE THERE. Stop extraneous stimulation. Make it quiet. Be physically close, but not obtrusive. If you do make physical contact, make it firm contact, like an anchor he can hold onto. Don’t be overly consoling…you don’t know what he’s thinking right now. Just be there, and say the words, “I’m here with you. I’m right here.” Say it just a few times, not over and over. Try not to say things like, “you’re ok,’ because he’s not. Instead, say “you’ll BE ok.” “I’ve got you.” I’m with you.” Realize that this is HIS experience, not yours. He needs to handle this himself. But he needs you there to witness it, and honor it, and honor him. By being present with him. That is all.

When the time is right, when things settle a bit, tell him “I’m going to untie you now and then we’re going to go rest for a while.” Expect another emotional release to return at some point, and again, use firm steady touch, like an anchor. Go lay down for a while with him. Cover him with a blanket. Warm him with your body. Hold him close and let him have his experience. When he is still, give him some time by himself to rest. He might fall asleep for a while. That is normal. When he wakes again, he might be really happy and energized, or kinda dazed and confused, or exhausted and hungry. Your boy just worked very hard for you. Be a good mentor and tend to HIS needs.

submitted by: – JocKDieseL

jockdiesel69@gmail.com

recon.com/jockdiesel

Great Quote

“It would actually be healthier–and it would bring you greater relief–to face what’s upsetting you, acknowledge it, and find a way to deal with it. Pretending you don’t have a problem will only make the problem bigger. Dealing with it will help you move beyond it”. – A friend’s Horoscope for the day

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