#TBT: RUFF THOUGHTS: “Life lessons at Dore Alley Fair” (& a #TBT)

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Here’s a Throw Back Thursday photo of myself at Dore Alley Fair 2014.  

This photo reminds me of an important life lesson I “re-learned” that summer.  You see, I had a crush on these two guys for a long while.  They knew it, too.  When we talked, my mind sort of fogged over. This happens when I am really into someone including the image/role that they’re portraying (“Totes Dom Top”) and the hot gear they are wearing. I got nervous and awkward around the 2 hot men flirting with me at the street fair as we drank warm beer…. freezing up several times in mid conversation.    DERP!  

I’ve done this all my life.  I call it the “Peter Parker meets Mary Jane” syndrome.  You remember that scene from Spider-man, right?

Right at 00:25

But, the lesson I re-learned… for like… the billionth time that summer?   Sometimes, especially at kinky street fairs, S&M can just stand for… “Stand and Model”. Despite the flirting, they weren’t really into me. They just wanted the attention and enjoyed leading me on because it made them feel and look good to others.  I mean, the fair was closing and I still had not been ordered to lick any boots nor were plans made for later (despite hinting)!  Wake up, Ruff!   

I still look back and laugh at this experience.  My pooooor widdle heart was broken that day!  Awwww… Poor Ruffy.  (Don’t worry, I got over it) .    This photo is a favorite because it reminds me to be realistic.  To remember that some guys are just there to “Stand and Model”.

….You know, looking back, it also really didn’t help that Daddy Richard had me in chastity for 2 weeks prior to that day at Dore Alley Fair….  

:-O

RUFF THOUGHTS: “Avicii: True Stories”

I wanted to share this trailer for “AVICII: TRUE STORIES” because it may be a wake up call for others.

The documentary follows his journey as he rockets from dabbling with music to being the most popular DJ/Producer at the time. He enjoyed making music but he absolutely hated touring. 830 shows by age 28… out of pressure from fans, friends and managers. It made him seriously ill. As you most likely know, Avicci committed suicide.

There are a lot of good hearted people out there that do things for others despite their own likings. The pressure to do things so that you feel liked or a part of a community can be overwhelming.

Stop it. If you don’t want to go to every kink event, don’t. If you don’t want to be a part of a toxic group of people, don’t. If you’re tired of working to have the perfect body (to fit in), don’t.

You do you. Your own comfort and happiness is important.

Friendly reminder….

Slim Lock Box for chastity keys

Many of the out of town boys I play with that are big into chastity have one of those bulky and heavy lock boxes to put their keys into. They’ll put the key in, take a photo of the code, send it to me and then delete the photo from existence on their phone. Traveling to events or visiting me with the lock box is a bit of a pain especially because the boy doesn’t want to put it in his checked luggage in fear of their luggage being lost (I should them do it next time… heh heh).

I know many others use this method of controlling their boy’s cocks. So, when I found this thinner and lighter lock box I knew I had to share a link.

ORDERED!

#TBT: Folsom 2006

Getting flogged by my first Daddy.   Back when I thought I looked good with a shaved head.   🙄 

Those were the good ol’ days of Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.  It’s changed so much from 2006 and and my first Folsom in 1995.   It was mostly gay men in fetish gear back then.  IMHO, these days it’s more of … a Lady Gaga concert. Loads of people dressing up to be “kinky for a day”. Trashed or high out of their minds.

I’m all for letting your freak flag fly and I’m glad Folsom is all about inclusivity but I sure miss when Folsom was more like Dore Alley Fair or Folsom Europe with guys in full gear and BDSM demos everywhere.

RUFF THOUGHTS: “Rubber Nipples!”

 

Right at the 3:05 mark.

When I was a kid, one of the more edgy cartoons on television was “Ren & Stimpy” on MTV. From this show, I discovered my fetish for Rubber. It was the first time I had even considered the idea of wearing Rubber as clothing. I recently ran across this clip from the show and wanted to share.

I love different kinds of humor. “Ren & Stimpy” still holds up as one of the most strange and funny cartoons ever made.

 

RUFF THOUGHTS: “BlueEyes85_”

I know it’s going to sound like the Daddy in me is speaking but I wanted to share something special.

To me, one of the most rewarding things as a Leatherman is when I have the privilege of being of a part of a friend’s growth into a happier person… or Puppy.

During MAL 2019, @BlueEyes85_ (on IG) tried on my Leather Puppy Hood (and then again later).  Once it was on, I could see in his beautiful eyes that something had clicked.

After MAL, he told me how it impacted him. A sense of euphoria and calmness came to him reliving a weekend scene he had many years ago.  He immediately started designing his own CUSTOM Leather Puppy Hood.   I ordered him (he likes orders and protocol) to wait until his big bonus came in.  During facetime, I gave him permission and much encouragement to start his Puppy journey.

Mr S Leather said it would take up to a month for him to get his Hood (and “WOOFY Tail”) but…  surprise surprise… it arrived in a week!    We then facetimed again for the big Puppy reveal.   The screenshot is the first time he saw himself in his custom hood.  He’s slept in it two nights in a row now.

He is SO happy with his purchase which in returns makes me very happy.   It’s also got me tossing around the idea of getting a hood myself (I tasked him with designing one for me).

Now @BlueEyes85_ (on IG) just needs a Pup name.

If you have a kinky Instagram account, you can follow him on HERE.

Ruff Prank

I know this super cute Blonde boy with beautiful blue eyes that discovered his Puppy side at MAL this year.   He has spent a lot of time researching Leather Puppy Hoods since and has his custom order all ready to go once he gets his bonus at work. It’ll take a few weeks after that to get the hood.  He’s rather impatient to get the Hood.

So, as a prank… I told him I sent this for the meantime.   It gave him a good laugh. 

(repost) RUFF PICS: Learning from scenes that go bad

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This is a photo of me in a barber chair having a forced haircut scene.  Does anyone remember the old “Shared Web” fetish sites?  Rubbermen, Buzzed Hard and others?   Apparently “Buzzed Hard” got a copy of it and used it on their site.  I just found it on Tumblr.   

Sometimes we have a very bad scene that makes us not want to play for a long while.  That’s the story behind this photo.   My limits were not respected (in many ways) and I had the shit scared out of me by two others. Painfully held against my will.   

I look at this old photo and remember how important communication between players is.  Before the visit, I told one of them “I want to be mind fucked” but what I really meant was “I want to be controlled in a strict SIR/boy experience”.  “Mind Fucked” was the wrong choice of words. Very strong words the top should have questioned but didn’t.  Which led to him not respecting my wishes for the scene to stop even when I said I couldn’t feel my hands.   He also made a fake call to my partner.  “He says to do what I want”.  That broke me.

I didn’t play for 8 months.  We lost a friend from this experience.

So, now, like… 15 years later…  I look back at this photo now as a traumatic lesson that I’ve learned from and put into practice when I bottom OR top. Communication is key to a great D/s experience. I no longer just go into a scene without discussing it first.  

When the boy I played with at MAL told me that he wanted a long weekend of “Strict Protocol” and role playing… I didn’t just say “OK”.  We talked in detail about what that involved so that we were clear. I made him give me examples of the kind of protocol and control he wanted.  Talking in detail about the scenes we both wanted made my 21st MAL one of the most memorable.  

I can’t wait to see that boy again.

#TBT: Visiting SIRS

50836654368__1CC9D66E-140A-436F-B8D4-230387091F5E.JPGOn a recent long weekend visit to my SIRS I was given some alone time while they both went to work. During that alone time, I had the task of conditioning and shining 8 leather hoods and 6 leather jackets. Several of them were heavy Langlitz Leather jackets.  It all had to be done by the time they got home.   I finished sooner than I thought I would I was rather pleased with myself so I sent them this happy photo.  

RUFF THOUGHTS: Off to Langlitz Leathers today!

Rather excited. That dream is coming true today.  I’m finally going to Portland to get sized for Langlitz Leathers.   I will probably only leave with a jacket (thanks to eBay sales) and place an order for Breeches another time.   

I’ve been looking forward to this day for a good 20 years.  I’ll try to post some photos later on.

RIP Stan Lee

MUST WATCH.

“Stan Lee taught me how to be a Man” is something I’ve heard fellow fans say many times.

In this particular clip, after socializing with fans at a comic con in a cheesey costume, Andrew Garfield removed his costume hood in the audience and surprised everyone at a trailer debut panel with a truly moving dedication of love and respect to Stan Lee with this speech.

“Daredevil” season 3 (SPOILERS)

 

 

OK… that final fight scene at the end of season 3 of Daredevil? Held my breath the entire time and yet wish it had gone on a bit longer.
 
SPOILERS:
 
Another great season. I’ll be watching it all over again like I did the other two. We never really got to see Matt in the Daredevil suit but the story was so good that I didn’t care. I love how this show, in it’s 3rd season, didn’t need to bring in another hero (Defenders or Punisher) to keep things interesting. I loved how the writers showed how deeply rooted Kingpin’s influence (control) is to all the supporting characters and that Karen got a long overdue great background story. Just very happy overall. Makes me want to read the comics.
 
Seeing how Iron Fist was cancelled leaving us wondering what happened with the character with new abilities I’m praying that there will be a season 4 of Daredevil so we know where they are taking us with Bullseye.

Tonight in Chicago


Tonight in Chicago, I get to see one of my favorite bands play their entire 2nd album start to finish. “Version 2.0” was the soundtrack of the year I was diagnosed with depression.  The lyrics of the songs on this album made me feel less alone and gave me some empowerment to keep my head above water.  I can always turn to this album when I need a pick me up.   

A More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends

A More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends


Showing up for other people is hard to describe, but you know it when you see it, or when someone does it for you. When we talk about showing up, we’re talking about bearing witness to other people’s pain, joy, and true selves; validating their experiences; easing their load; truly seeing them; and communicating that they are not alone in this life. Showing up is at the core of creating and maintaining, strong meaningful bonds with friends, family, coworkers, and Internet pals. It’s what turns the people you know into your people.

FULL ARTICLE

Communication For Doms

Here’s a great article on communication between the Dominant and submissive.


Improve The Breed – Communication For Doms

Here are some ‘pearls of wisdom’ for new Doms on how to establish a healthy Dom/sub connection. Some of these pointers pertain to more intense play, but are good suggestions regardless of the type of play.

1. Communicate. Probably the most important skill to learn as a Dom, is how to effectively communicate. As the leader it’s your job to keep communication an open, two-way street. Subs often shut down or disconnect. It’s not because they are being defiant. Sometimes it’s part of their subspace experience, and sometimes they’re overwhelmed by what’s happening. They may perceive what you are doing as abuse, or relate it to a moment of abuse in their past. It can happen at any time, even when doing something you’ve already done before with no problems. Here are some tips to developing good habits to facilitate communication between you and your sub.

2. Be yourself. Even though Dom/sub relations are technically ‘role play’ most people want to play with real people. Especially in the beginning, subs want to know an authentic, personal side of you, and know that you are someone they can rely on, and they can trust.

When a sub offers himself to you it is a big deal, and he’s offering himself to YOU, not some fictional character. He wants YOU to lead him through any challenges and adversity. He needs your help. If you’re trying too hard or doing something that’s way out of character, then rethink your strategy. Your sub will see how uncomfortable it is for you and his confidence may waver. So start slow and easy. That being said, if you’re trying something new and it’s backfiring or turning into a clusterfuck, just stop, say that it’s not working out, and laugh it off. Bonding comes from sharing both successes and failures. Handling failures well is just as important as enjoying success.

3. Establish endpoints, and checking in: Unless it is your lifestyle, it’s a good habit to establish things I call ‘endpoints’ and ‘checking in.’

Endpoints: An endpoint is simply defining the beginning and ending of a BDSM scene. Create a time, before and after a scene, for physical contact and communication. Be positive, affirming, calm, relaxed. Smile, use touch, eye contact, and say something like, “we’re gong to have a really good time today all right?” or “You did a great job today, thank you.” Simple common courtesy. And listen to what your sub has to say.  Treat it like a ritual. Subs respond very well to this kind of consistency. It only takes a minute and it does a world of good towards building trust and camaraderie.

Checking in: Checking in can happen within a scene or can be used as a transition between scenes. It’s basically a short rest period – less than 30 seconds – where you ease up on stimulation, when a sub can regroup, verbalize his condition, think things out, relax a little, get ready for more. Think of it like a little chunk of aftercare inside of a scene. It’s a good time to re-establish a connection, check in with the sub and see how he’s doing. Speak with a comforting tone, be encouraging. Ask him “how are you doing?” Over a very short time he’ll become conditioned so that when he’s in this ‘safe zone’ he knows he’s physically safe from harm, and will come to relish those times and bond with you over them. It also serves as a reality check, allowing the sub to momentarily assert control if he wishes. When you’re ready to start up again, just say, ‘you ready?’ and listen to his response.

4. Handling meltdowns and catharsis. It will happen eventually. Especially if you’re involved with punishments or endorphin rushes, S&M and longer, more intense scenes. A strong emotional release….crying, or anger or fear. Grief, heartache, anguish, passion, joy, gratitude. A hundred emotions and powerful feelings all culminating together and overflowing. It’s like an unstoppable force that grabs hold of your body and doesn’t let go. At that moment, it can go either way:  It can be a powerfully positive cathartic experience – something life-changing that your sub will be eternally grateful for. Or it can be devastating to him – something that will leave him scarred, erase all the trust you’ve built,  and fill you both with regret.

The most important thing you can do as a Dom at that moment, is BE THERE. Stop extraneous stimulation. Make it quiet. Be physically close, but not obtrusive. If you do make physical contact, make it firm contact, like an anchor he can hold onto. Don’t be overly consoling…you don’t know what he’s thinking right now. Just be there, and say the words, “I’m here with you. I’m right here.” Say it just a few times, not over and over. Try not to say things like, “you’re ok,’ because he’s not. Instead, say “you’ll BE ok.” “I’ve got you.” I’m with you.” Realize that this is HIS experience, not yours. He needs to handle this himself. But he needs you there to witness it, and honor it, and honor him. By being present with him. That is all.

When the time is right, when things settle a bit, tell him “I’m going to untie you now and then we’re going to go rest for a while.” Expect another emotional release to return at some point, and again, use firm steady touch, like an anchor. Go lay down for a while with him. Cover him with a blanket. Warm him with your body. Hold him close and let him have his experience. When he is still, give him some time by himself to rest. He might fall asleep for a while. That is normal. When he wakes again, he might be really happy and energized, or kinda dazed and confused, or exhausted and hungry. Your boy just worked very hard for you. Be a good mentor and tend to HIS needs.

submitted by: – JocKDieseL

jockdiesel69@gmail.com

recon.com/jockdiesel