RUFF PICS: Learning from scenes that go bad


This is a photo of me in a barber chair having a forced haircut scene.  Does anyone remember the old “Shared Web” fetish sites?  Rubbermen, Buzzed Hard and others?   Apparently “Buzzed Hard” got a copy of it and used it on their site.  I just found it on Tumblr.   

Sometimes we have a very bad scene that makes us not want to play for a long while.  That’s the story behind this photo.   My limits were not respected (in many ways) and I had the shit scared out of me by two others. Painfully held against my will.   

I look at this old photo and remember how important communication between players is.  Before the visit, I told one of them “I want to be mind fucked” but what I really meant was “I want to be controlled in a strict SIR/boy experience”.  “Mind Fucked” was the wrong choice of words. Very strong words the top should have questioned but didn’t.  Which led to him not respecting my wishes for the scene to stop even when I said I couldn’t feel my hands.   He also made a fake call to my partner.  “He says to do what I want”.  That broke me.

I didn’t play for 8 months.  We lost a friend from this experience.

So, now, like… 15 years later…  I look back at this photo now as a traumatic lesson that I’ve learned from and put into practice when I bottom OR top. Communication is key to a great D/s experience. I no longer just go into a scene without discussing it first.  

When the boy I played with at MAL told me that he wanted a long weekend of “Strict Protocol” and role playing… I didn’t just say “OK”.  We talked in detail about what that involved so that we were clear. I made him give me examples of the kind of protocol and control he wanted.  Talking in detail about the scenes we both wanted made my 21st MAL one of the most memorable.  

I can’t wait to see that boy again.


Today’s Throwback Thursday is a picture that’s about 12 years old. My partner and I had been talking for a short while to this very cute A&F boy that looked a bit like Matt Damon (he disagreed). He had not been to many gay bars and wasn’t totally out of the closet. But, he was very much into the idea of being bound and dominated. Somehow, we talked him flying from down in the south to our city in Ohio. I had joked a little with him about kidnapping him from the airport but didn’t think he’d really into it. Like a good boy scout, I did bring some bondage materials just in case. When he got into my truck, he gave me a look of “Well? Let’s do it!”.

I made sure I took some dirt roads in 4×4 mode to make it a bit more interesting (although safe). I can still remember his giggle from under the spandex hood.



Today’s Throwback Thursday comes from Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco back in 2012. There was a guy walking around the fair asking people to write all over his body with permanent marker. He asked me several times that day. I figured… why not?

This was also the year that “Lady Bunny” stepped on my boot bruising my big toe to a point that I thought it was broken at the end of the day. Ah, Folsom. You never disappoint. DSC03985