I’ve had many bottoms ask me what “Breaking” is. This video is a good way to describe it but it needs some words with it so that people do not get the wrong ideas.

THIS IS A CONSENSUAL ACT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE.

This is my personal interpretation of “Breaking”. Something I’ve done several times (personally and to others).

Have you ever had an experience where the situation was very challenging, physically or emotionally, that afterwards you felt … changed? You grew from the experience? That’s the best way I can describe it. Like in the video above, the bound boy was built up over time (not 3 minutes, more like 30) with the flogging. Lighter hides of leather to heavier, alternating back and forth, building the boy up. The top would talk to the boy through the flogging, making sure the boy wanted to continue. Establishing more trust to go further.

Eventually, for most, it seems the trigger for the emotional breakdown has little (nothing?) to do with the pain… but with something emotional. Something in the boy’s brain pops up. Something he hasn’t dealt with. Whether it be the stress of daily life (work, relationships, money) or something deeper (unresolved past with family, deceased pet)… a memory triggers the release.

I can recall each time I broke and what popped into my mind at the time. One of the occasions was around the time that I was in Hawaii for 9 days and had to leave on day 5 because my partner’s dad was dying. We flew home suddenly and trekked 2 hours over to Cleveland. No sooner than we walked in the hospice at his home, his dad perked up and said he loved son. 2 Hours later, I was standing watch and I literally saw the life leave my father in law’s body. I remained strong for everything as I do.

I was scheduled to go to Atlantic for a rather intense weekend playdate after the funeral. When I got there, I just wasn’t into playing as much as I had hoped for. My SIR talked me into some immobilizing bondage with electro. Over time, he built it up the electro higher and higher. I couldn’t move an inch. Hooded and immobile, I was in the dark. Just me and this pain that was building. Me and my thoughts. I couldn’t run away from them anymore by taking care of others. His voice told me I was okay and it was okay to let go. And I did. He quickly turned off the electro, released me and held me as I finally broke down and cried over the death of my father in law.

See, I am a very strong willed person with my emotions. I typically do not dump my emotions onto the table for all to see (if I do, it’s a big deal and I trust you). I took care of the family that day, not myself. Later, in ATL, I was taken care of by my SIR and the “breaking” he helped me achieve allowed me to let go of the emotions I was holding in… rather than not dealing with them and letting it affect me the rest of life on a daily basis.

I’m sure many others have experiences with breaking that are similar or perhaps very different. I’d love to hear your stories if you are comfortable sharing.

Long story short, “Breaking” is a very intimate experience between two people that should not be taken lightly. It is a consensual act between two (or more) people. If you are looking to have such an experience, make sure you do it with somebody that has such experience and it is somebody you trust. A wise man once told me “If somebody is going to break somebody, they better be there to put the person back together”. Don’t forget a safeword, either.

Well, this entry turned into something much bigger than I expected. I hope it’s beneficial to others.

-Ruff