A few years ago, back in Toledo, we had a fire at our house in Toledo, Ohio. I was practicing karate in the garage when I saw our dogs both walk towards me. I noticed there was smoke coming out of the air vents. I quickly ran into the house and saw more smoke coming out of every vent in the house. I walked over to the furnace to turn it off. Just as I opened the door, there was a loud explosion and a flash of light. Our furnace was on fire.

I called 911 immediately. 2nd, I put the dogs outside. 3rd, I called my other half.

4th…. Oh fuck… Firemen are going to run through my house. Including my Playroom.

I ran back into the house (Stupid, I know) into the playroom. I grabbed ALL of the BDSM gear off the walls and cabinets…. All the leather and rubber hanging in the closet…. And threw it all into the walk in closet. I followed that up with sheets and blankets over all of the gear.

My partner arrived quickly shortly after the firemen who ran right in. I wasn’t more than 10 minutes before they were outside of the house. Casually talking. Apparently, our fire wasn’t a big deal. The fire chief approaches.

He tells us “It was the furnace. I’d file insurance claims ASAP. I’ll give you copies of the paperwork so that you can get the walls and vents cleaned out and move back in promptly.”

We were relieved. Smiling. Thanking him.

“… Also…. I shut the one door after I inspected the house so that other firemen wouldn’t go into it…”

We stood stunned. Not embarrassed. Just stunned.

Then he leaves over and says…

“I sure wish I had a room like that in my house for my girlfriend!”.

The 3 of us laughed.

Handshakes were exchanged. He gave us paperwork and was gone.

I know what you’re thinking. No. Sadly, he wasn’t hot. Think Super Mario mixed with Danny DeVito. I’m sure his girlfriend wasn’t Princess Toadstool either.