I got this great email below from a Reader that I wanted to share with everyone. It brings up a fantastic topic. Being “Kinky Outed”. Please give this a read and tell me what you think.
-Ruff
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Over the last several years as more people have found themselves in the kink scene I have been witness to or been involved in several instances of people being “kinky outed” for lack of a better way to describe it.
My first experience with this was several years ago with a good friend who went to Folsom Fair East. He found himself involved in an impromptu spanking demo tied to a spanking bench. Unknown to him an acquaintance from his hometown had taken pictures of the spanking on his digital camera. Well a few weeks later while I was visiting my friend he took me to a non-leather gay bar he likes to frequent. The “acquaintance” happened to be there and came up to us with a shitty grin on his face. He says to my friend “guess what I have….” and proceeds to show the spanking pictures from his camera to everyone at the bar! Embarrasment and hurt feelings followed.
My second and third experience are really similar but with different people, which leads me to think it might happen a lot. Both instances I was out at a non-kink bar and ran into a kink friend. Someone else my friend knows is there and the customary introduction occurs. The friend I know introduces the other person as “_____ from Gearfetish”, “or _____ from Bondage Control.” Both times this happened I noticed the person who was being introduced to me face go pale. The first time it happend the person was with his sister, and the second time the person was with a co-worker, and neither were about their fetishes.
As I find myself becoming more and more comfortable with all the things I’m into, I can understand how it is easy to lose perspective that not everyone is as ready to announce what they are into.
When the online world meets the real word I think it is important to remember that some might still be coming to terms with their darker side, and some might just want to leave it to themselves to decide who knows what about their kinky life.
Well, it’s exactly the same principle as ‘coming out’ as gay. Although these days there are many people who have been ‘out’ since their mid-teens or even earlier who might not comprehend what it’s like, not everyone comes to terms with their homosexuality so comfortably.
Being kinky adds a second layer, a heck of a lot like the first. But with perhaps even more potential for social unacceptability.
Well said!!!! People need to realize that it is a private thing and only needs to be revealed when and to whom the person involved chooses, not as a topic of casual conversation or especially as an introduction!
this happened to me, the guy who kink outed me was not even comfy with people knowing he was gay let alone kinky, anyway we both ended up at a dinner party and he had a few and started dropping a few hints that my sex life got a little wild. my friends where looking confused so cool as a cucumber i pulled out my phone and opened a pic of him tied up with me holding a knife to his balls and him with a raging hard on about it, i quietly passed it to him and he went white as a sheet and shut right up. a few people realized what he meant by his comments but they didn’t really care, all the same i would have proffered they not know.