2010 was a busy year.   I did a lot of demos at Dore Alley, IML & MIR.   Attending these and other events, I found myself working non-stop, forgetting to eat and becoming so exhausted at the end of the day that I didn’t have the energy to attend evening events.  I couldn’t bring myself to wear any gear to the GearBlast at IML 2010… hence the infamous photo of myself in a Hyatt Bathrobe, towel, sunglasses and slippers with some Scotch on the Rocks.     MIR 2010 was the same but on top of the demos I was also making sure all my fantastic vendors were happy as well as other MIR attendees.   I didn’t have sex at either of these events. I put the events, friends and others before my own needs.  Also, when you do demos for an Event, you typically do not get any compensation. There are very few, if any, perks or discounts.  Which can leave you feeling taken advantage of.


Since then, I’ve been in a sort of indescribable Kink Funk.  I was having a hard time putting my finger on it. I shouldn’t bitch because, for most, being asked to demo for an event is flattering. An honor that people would think that highly of you to represent their event, even when you don’t see yourself in that light.  I also have a hard time saying no when Friends ask for help.  

This Kink Funk affected me outside of the events and bar nights.   I stopped playing heavily for a good year or so.  In this process, I know I hurt and disappointed at least one boy (that I know of) in Chicago who was interested in fulfilling my “boy search”.  I was hurting inside.  A few that know me well picked up on it and were terrific listeners.  And… a few others just got selfishly pissy and didn’t try to understand.

Also, I had 4 different opportunities to go on trips to visit Bondage Tops/bottoms.  2 feel through completely and another just became such a unrealistic scene/clusterfuck and awkward that the energy just went POOF!  These were major bummers adding to the depression. 


Conceited as it may sound, I found myself feeling alone in these feelings.   So, I asked a few friends that are known for their Demo skills if they ever get burnt out.   They collectively said the same thing.   “It becomes mechanical with no postive energy” when you are doing demos, person after person especially when you don’t know the person.   This seems rather obvious when you don’t know the person or even have an attraction to that person.  

Also, I was told “Just say NO”.  Wow. What a novel idea!  


So, I told myself before IML this year, I would only do *ONE* demo.  The one I promised to my friends at RECON months prior.   I picked the time, place, demo and demo boy.    And you know what, THAT WAS FUN.  The bottom I picked was my good sexy-funny-hottie-fuzzy butt friend “Snofen” and a new friend in rope bondage God (in my eyes) , “KnottyBrent“,  who WOW’ing us all with his rope skills that left me wanting to leave IML for Shibaricon.   Doing demos with these two guys, guys I was attracted to and connected with, made all the difference in the world.   Sounds a bit odd, but I owe it to these guys for unintentionally recharging my Kink Batteries.    I really appreciate it.  Inspired by Brent, I have even been looking into attending a Rope Class or two.   And… I’ve committed to Inferno.

I’m excited for Fetish Week in London, working at Mr S Leather during Dore Alley and Folsom and of course, MIR.  

I do not claim to be particularly good at writing Pulitzer prize winning blog entries. I’ve tried to insert some humor here without sounding like I’ve been put on a pedestal. I certainly don’t think of myself in that light.  I hope this entry helps others who sometimes get themselves in over their with volunteering their time and energy too often. It really is OKAY to say “NO”.

I’m sharing a blog entry from Richard Hunter of Mr S Leather from the Dungeon Forums.  It’s a good enlightening read that helped me a great deal, too.  Hit the READ MORE tab on the left.


If you’ve ever “Been There” with a Kink Funk, I’d love to hear your comments on the subject.  Feel free to leave a comment or email me.

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An Article that Inspired my blog post

In the last From the Top, I finally decided to say a lot of things I had had on my mind for some time . Whew, that felt good. It was a little long and kind of aggressive, but it was all-true and felt good not to hold back for fear of others judging me for what I might be saying. In fact the opposite happened. So many of you wrote or told me in person that it was really refreshing to hear someone come right out and speak their mind without reservation. Most all of you that said anything to me, actually agreed with what was said. It s just that you don t hear it said that very much in the community .

So this time I thought I’d lighten it up some and talk about what we do that can Inspire us, or where that Inspiration can come from. At least give you my opinion on the subject. In discussing this: part of the focus is about being inspired in the scene and in our life style and then just about being Inspired in Life. I’m talking about that Spark that turns our head or awakens us to feel an excitement again. Sometimes we are bored and just doing things by habit and just getting thru it all, but not really turned on by it. We have all been there and will all be there again through out our lives. I think its just part of the rhythm of how things operate. Nature has different seasons that keep things balanced and we do too.

I was working on this article when one of our members posted a question up on the Message Boards the other day asking about Losing his Mojo and what others thought about that. He was referring to his interest in playing in the scene, as to right now not being all that interested in it, compared to times in his past.

How is it that what once turned us on so much may just not be working as well as it did before .and what can happen to help change that back again.
I think as humans we are always Hungry for New experiences, we get bored very easily with the same old things everyday. Most of us are still like kids I think, what s new Daddy, what did you bring me? It s just that as adults we have to ask that question to Ourselves this time and we generally don t have an answer for it unless We create the situation. It s also why having a nice social network of friends around can help inspire us from the outside when we are stuck inside our own routine.

I remember about 10 years ago, after my lover had died. I had lost interest in most everything for a time. I was depressed and very much un-inspired around work stuff. None of the stuff that was exciting and that we were sharing together the year before meant anything to me now. I was grieving his loss and I couldn t get excited about all that was still going on around me. JT had become a best friend, my lover, my boy & my partner. He was helping me in the Mr. S business, and had just finished remodeling the building that now houses the whole Mr. S operation on 7th St in S.F. I knew he was getting sick, but he wanted to take on this big project for me and do this before he died. He said, You get the building and I ll rebuild it for you . He was a great carpenter. So I called all my friends and guys I had played with together and he directed the Hottest and Cutest work crew for about 5 months that you ever saw. Working late every night till 2 or 3AM we finished re-building the interior of this huge 4-story building that now is Mr. S Leather. We opened this new store on Nov. 1st and he died on Dec.1st, just one month later. This is exactly how he wanted to spend his last months on earth. doing something for someone else, someone he loved. It was the choice he made and I think he died very happy knowing what he had done was so important and how much he was appreciated for doing it. JT inspired all us who knew him.

But when he died, I lost it for a while. It had been so good and now it was over. He was gone and all of this just didn t mean as much as I thought it had. I wasn t sure I d come out of it. I know many of you reading this may have had a similar experience with losing people in your lives that you loved. It s one of the hardest times to go through. Some call it the Dark Night of the Soul You feel like you have a hole in your heart and that you ll never feel that sense of joy and happiness you once felt. Time does help, in fact I know now that you do just have to go through it . Maybe 6 months, maybe a year, maybe longer. Everybody is different. What helps? Well, friends help, friends help a lot. When the time is right, having sex again helps. Playing helps, Going out again helps. Praying helps. Being quite when you can helps. Crying helps. Laughing helps. I remember waking up sometimes in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and turning on the Comedy channel and in a few minutes coming out of my own head and smiling or laughing at what I was watching. God that felt good again. Sometimes you just have to push yourself and make an effort to change the state of mind you are in.

I said friends help. YES. A lot of the guys who had helped work with JT on this building project saw what I was going thru and tried to cheer me up. Most of the time it didn t really work and they would back off. One Sunday afternoon, just a few weeks after JT had died, one of the boys, Jeff, called me up and asked how I was doing so, so . ok I m alright. Not really, but OK. He said get ready, I ll be over there in 15 minutes to get you we re going roller blading. No Jeff, not today, I m not in the mood for it No we re going skating, so get ready .. No, Jeff, I really mean it, No . I said back to him I ll be there in 15 minutes, I m not going to ask again . Be ready he said and hung up on me. He came by with another friend and kidnapped me and took me to Golden Gate park and we rented the skates and spent the afternoon flying down the sidewalks, me falling a lot, laughing and forgetting I had been sad earlier. I wouldn t have gone if they hadn t dragged me out there. I was always grateful for that afternoon and how Jeff as a friend tried to help me feel better in the middle of it all. And it worked!

Another interesting thing happened that helped. I found playing in the scene helped take my mind off my feeling of loss . JT and I had played very heavily while we were together and I wasn t sure if I could get that excitement back again. In fact I think I was probably feeling a little guilty the first few times playing again. But I knew he would approve and in fact would have been pissed if I didn t get back on track with my life. You don t find too many partners in your life that think more about You than they do about themselves. JT was like that to me. As my boy he was always looking out for me, covering my back, making sure I was OK first. I really missed that when he was gone.
The night before he died at home, we were talking together quietly and I said to him how much I was going to miss him and that I d never find another boy like him. He said back well you won t, unless you go out there and look for him. Promise me you ll go back out there and find another boy. after of course you miss me for at least a little while then go out there again. He s still looking out for me, even as he s dying. I m getting pretty personal here, but he won t mind. So to lighten things up I remember saying to him . well OK then, but you ll have to help me from where ever you are. If I m standing at the bar some night and there s some cute hot boy I m checking out, you have to go sprinkle some magic dust in his eyes that makes him see me as the Hottest Daddy in the bar that he wants to go home with. He smiled and said OK , I can do that . God I miss him. I haven t cried about him in a long time, but I need to stop typing this for a while, as I can t see the keyboards right now.

OK, I m back that actually felt good again. There s so much that happen that to me surrounding his death, but I ll save that maybe for some other time or maybe the book that everybody is always asking me to write about the last 20 years of being in this scene. Not sure if I ll ever get around to that, but maybe some day.

But after about 4 months I started to want to play again. As I said I didn t know how to get interested or inspired again to start that up. It had been awhile and I didn t really feel a lot of passion yet.
But one night one of the boys I had played with before and had been turned onto a lot came by and it just started to happen again. Slowly at first, but by the end of the evening we had had this intense & sexy, all out scene, and it felt great to feel all of the excitement and connection again. WOW, it was back. In fact it was a catharsis to feeling good again.

I had a meeting with the managers of the company. They had actually taken over running Mr. S for me while I was a mess. I told them I was starting to feel better, but I wanted another 6 months to do another project that I thought would help me personally as well as the company in general. OK, they said, go for it ..It s nice being the Boss, or as Mel Brooks said It s nice being King The project was to do the Catalog . What has now become the Giant 476 page Mr. S Leather Catalog. I decided that since that evening of playing had made me feel so good again, then I should do that as often as I could for a while. You know good therapy. There were certainly enough boys around me in S.F. that wanted to play again and were happy to have their pictures taken for a Catalog. So for the next 8 months I spent most of the time doing scenes and taking pictures and that s how the Mr. S Catalog came about. The boys inspired me to play again I guess I inspired the boys to feel good about themselves as well .and 5,000 pictures and 100 s of scenes later the first 2 Volume Catalog was printed. The feelings had changed in me and I was feeling happy again deeper for having gone thru all that kind of experience can take you thru but coming out on the other side. In fact I noticed that I was afraid to let go of the pain as I started to feel better. Not sure if I felt guilty for feeling better or that even though it was pain and loss I had been feeling, at least I was feeling something very deeply inside and that was something I didn t really want to let go of. I learned that when it s time to get better, you really do need to let it go and enjoy the new sense of joy that this had changed into.

One of the lessons I learned from that, I mean really learned deep inside, and now know to be True. Is that it really is all about Love I think that’ s what is at our Core, that s what moves us, that’ s what Inspires us, The other thing is that We have a very short time here and that Not to waste it with petty things and Negative things. To try to enjoy everyday, and make the effort to stay open to all that is around us. It s not that you can connect to everybody, but you can connect to that person who s right there in front of you. To connect to that person you are sleeping with every night. To that person that you say you love and who says he loves you. If that just Isn t going to happen, then to have the courage to let the negative things go in our lives, so we can move on to the next positive thing that is waiting right there for us to embrace. Life IS so short and so much is right there in front of us. And so we do need to be inspired to get ourselves going again. Gliding or taking a break is fine, but if you are still stuck in the same place that s not really working for you after a few years, it s time to figure out how to change it.

I’ve always found meeting new people helps inspire me, if it s the right people that is. Energy is very REAL. When you are around some people you feel Good. Their energy is Up and Positive and you can even feel the flow of their energy around you. Other people can drain Your energy and you feel down and negative when you are around them. Energy Vampires I call them. They are always taking and sucking your energy out of you.

Passion is also very REAL. Passion is kind of the “Fuel” that can Inspire us to get excited again in what we are doing. If you are just doing something without the drive of Passion behind it, then it doesn’t really have that ‘pazazz’. It’s probably not even that much fun or a turn on to be doing it. I think this can apply to sexual experiences or to almost any other kind of activity. You know how it feels when you once had a passionate feeling for somebody and how the sex was fantastic or open and had few boundries. How passion and love were hand in hand and the rest of the world was over there somewhere and your focus and interest was just on the object of your desire. WoW…it was great…..and then you also might know the feeling when that is gone or is fading away and the passion is less and you arn’t “turned on” anymore and you are just going thru the motions. Or maybe you even feel stuck in the relationship and don’t know how to either get out of it or how to “fix” it to get that feeling back again. That sucks!!

I think it often happens in this kind of scene, where people are playing with each other and they really arn’t turned on by the other person…they are just going thru the motions. It’s OK, but it lacks that excitment and Passion that makes this really fun and maybe even a “Life Changing” experience. How do you get back to that kind of “Playful” and Intense ‘turn on’ again? I guess that is something each person, each one of us will have to discover for themselves. To find out what our ‘triggers’ are that re-kindles that spark in us. To make the effort to break thru a wall when we hit one that stops our child like way of looking at everything . (that is how you see things, isn’t it? ) If we are really quite inside and arn’t afraid to ask oiurselves the really honest questions about ..”what is it that we need? “What is it that turns us on?” What turns us off? Can we get that from our partners? Do we need that from someone else if they won’t or can’t give us that. Can we let our mates go out and get what they need from someone else without being jealous? Can we really have un-conditional Love for our partner and find happiness in their joy. Are we compatiable? Or is there just too many difference in what our needs are? Some difficult questions, but making the effort to really answer them can be “Inspiring” and life changing. Not being afraid to make the personal changes in our lives, to make our live work again is what “Reality” is all about. Tough as it is….it sure keeps us from getting bored. Truth and Honesty with our friends and mates really does work and is Inspiring and refreshing. Watch how close you may get to somebody when you tell them exactly how you are feeling. Don’t forget to be kind when you do that…being truthful without kindness is just being mean or selfish. Humor helps too. Sometimes saying No to somebody is really the best thing, both for you and them. Saying YES, though is really nice too. I love to hear the word…”YES”. I think it’s one of my favorite words. Some ‘heady’ stuff here to think about.

On a lesser scale, even getting a new sex toy to play with can get our juices going again. We all like new stuff in our lives. A new play partner, doing something in a scene you haven t done before, pushing your limits. If you are mostly a bottom, try topping once in awhile, if you have been mostly topping, try and let go and enjoy the bottom space . Stop worrying about what other people will be thinking. They really probably don t care that much anyway. Go up to somebody and say Hi to them if you want to meet them, try not to let your shyness or fears stop you from trying. Some of the Hottest guys I ve played with and becomes friends with I was almost too intimidated to go talk to at first. When I finally did, it turned out that they were intimidated to come talk to me as well. Good thing one of us said something. And if nothing clicks, no big deal just making the attempt can make you feel good again.

Once after breaking up with a boyfriend, a friend of mine, bought me some 70 classical CD s as a gift. He was very into classical music. I could enjoy it, but didn t really know much about it. He felt it would be a great time to learn something new and take my mind off the break up. So for about 6 months that s all I listened to on a 5 CD changer one CD after the other. When I heard something I liked, I d go over and see what it was and whom the composer was. It actually worked as to learning about something new and not dwelling on the past. I ve had great friends over the years. I have a good friend now who has just lost his job, a high paying executive job. He s spending as much time as he can Hang Gliding off the mountains in Southern California. Though I ve never done that, I m sure flying like a bird would be inspiring . ..God, I think I d throw up. Being out in Nature is really inspiring. We spend a lot of time up in the mountains all around Yosemite National Park, here in California. It s one of my favorite places on this earth .Hawaii comes in a close second though. The Mountains, the Ocean, the Forest, the Desert, can really help change your mood. Just watching the sun set into the ocean in Hawaii was a spiritual experience every evening. You could almost hear it sizzle as it touched the water.

I know that being in this business and being around this highly charged sexual energy all the time, I HAVE to Play. I can t do this just as a business. It s too personal to be in the middle of it and not have the experience. I see a lot of guys doing a lot of talking about it and learning all about it in classes and discussion groups. Nothing wrong in that good to know as much as you can ..but then GO meet somebody and play with what you have learned. Figure out what pushes your buttons and go for it. Keep trying new stuff till you find the right stuff for you. The energy we put out about this is just as important as what you are doing in the scene. I like to keep it playful myself intense, but playful. I get a lot of request to play all the time…too many actually to follow up on…I know what you are thinking, but it’s just part of being Mr S I guess. I really have to choose to play with someone that ‘turns me on” at this point in my life…I can’t do it as a “Demo” or just because we might share the same Fetish interest. That’s not enough for me. It has to be both…the turn on to the ‘person’ AND the same Sexual interest. Not just One or the other. I finally figured that one out and I follow it now because it doesn’t work for me if I don’t. By the way people say No to me as to playing as well as I sometimes say No if someone is not my type. It’s all in how you say it that helps ease the rejection. Sometimes it’s more difficult when someone won’t take No for an answer though. I still haven’t got that one down quite right yet. Let me know if you have found the perfect line that works for you. I think we all could use some help in this area.

Some people have told me that this Site has inspired them to start playing again. They had gotten caught up in the politics and organizational craziness of the scene and dressing up and almost stopped playing. As you get older you have to make more of an effort to stay in shape and stay healthy and stay attractive .so that someone might want to play with you. Getting older is a Big One being sick is also a Big one. Guys on this site have written to me saying I ve inspired them in the sense, that you aren t too old in the scene after you are in your 50 s or 60 s or even 70 s. I think the leather scene is a much nicer place to be, as we grow older, then say, the sweater and dance crowd guys. Age and experience is usually respected in the BDSM circles. In fact I find myself playing and having more sex now, then I did when I was in my 40 s. So if someone else is inspired by looking at the pictures and videos of us playing, well then for me to even think that they would be sitting there and feeling stronger, or better about themselves, or more optimistic about their own life situation, then that makes me feel good too.

I get inspired as well by other people .Alan Selby was an inspiration to a hell of a lot of people, as to growing older with Style & Grace Still playing with boys when he was 74 and having a good time doing it. He worked at helping others right up until he died at age 75. Our own Barry is an inspiration to me as well. Two years ago he was within 24 hours of dying. The doctors had given up on him. He needed a new Liver and there wasn t any to be found in time. They didn t want to give him one even if they had been able to find it. But in the last hours, they changed their minds (Thank you Beau) and a matching liver was found and it was being transplanted into Barry just about 6 hours after the death of the boy who donated it. Over two and half years later Barry is the Poster Child for Liver Transplants .healthy again, playing and feeling pretty good about himself and his future. Of course having a boyfriend like Beau to help him thru it all helped a lot. Luna the dog as well. To see him come back from the edge of death and now be as active as he is and how he has changes his life around, is very inspiring. The Doctors, a few political calls and a good support network all made it happen.

Truth is very inspiring. When you hear Truth, how good it feels. When you speak Truly, how good it feels. Being Honest makes you feel stronger. This season’s Queer as Folk is about the Most Truthful and Honest series of TV shows I have ever seen broadcast anywhere. We sit here crying almost every Sunday night as we all watch this show. They have also kept it Sexy and Entertaining as well. Compared to the crap they call these stupid Reality Shows, which aren ‘t real at all. Queer as Folk is so real, it s almost scary.

Staying active and inspired is harder, but a lot of it really is a state of mind too. Takes more effort, but hey my father used to say to me about almost anything I didn’ t like… Deal with It.
What do you get for all this hard work? .More Hard Work !!! Deal with it. It s just the way it is. I’d complain about something and have excuses for not getting something done, and he d say JUST DO IT . That was a pretty simple statement . Just Do It !
Shit, that took all my excuses away from me. I guess I should, Just Do It.
Sometimes the answers ARE really simple. I hated that but he was right. I hated that too. Now I m OK with it all.

Well, we hope that this Web Site can inspire all of you to keep playing and enjoying this Kinky life style we all like. It certainly might get your dicks hard again and encourage you to go out there and find somebody to play with. No use watching all these other guys have all the fun. I guess I ll quote my Dad once again . Just Do It . God, I can’t believe I m quoting my father… I hated it when he told me that. Sorry. The other kernel of truth I just mentioned I did fine to be true..Damn it…but it really is… the “Reward for all the Hard Work…Is Just MORE Hard Work”.

Maybe, just maybe, just reading this little article may be a bit of an inspiration. Take it where ever you can find it.