A while ago, a reader gave me a blog entry to post with the subject of people “Outing” others that are into Kink. There was a situation at a bar during a silly showtunes night where this guy started pointing out people at the bar that were on Recon/Gear Fetish/Rubberzone. It wasn’t enough that he pointed them out, but he was telling random non-kinky people the screen names of those present. The ironic part is this guy “outing” people had his own very unique fetish that he wasn’t sharing with the people he was gossiping with. Thankfully, most people at a Showtunes night were responding with “What’s a Recon?”.
This caused a lot of frustration and anxiety for some but in the end nobody was harmed(except for the gossiper who alienated himself from those friends). Of course, the potential was there for disaster since this is truly a small world. Especially, with the way networking sights like Facebook work.
So, today, I find out that a friend of ours, who is just recently figuring out things for himself, was the target of another “outing”… by a guy who is NOT kinky (well, so he says)… but knows me and mutual friends are. I’m intensely loyal of my friends and …Man, I got SO pissed. I know the person was just trying to piece things together (“Just how do you know “Joe”? And how does he know “Scott?””) but he was was also telling them “Oh, you know they have varied interests, right?” not knowing the mutual friend he was gossiping to also has the same “varied interests”. The mutual friend didn’t respond leaving the non-kinky guy wondering.
Really. Mind your own fucking business, Queen. Get a life.
There’s a certain amount of RESPECT should (MUST) be observed when a person is coming out of the closet. I don’t think Non-Kinky people get that the same kind of respect should be used when your friend is “Coming Out Kinky”. I’m guessing it’s a mixture of boredom & jealousy. There’s enough confusion as it is with just coming out of the closet. Discovering Kink and getting into the scene is also difficult from all the taboos, rumors and misconceived preconceptions of what The Scene is all about. You go through the same questioning of yourself… and your friends (who can I trust?).
Fortunately, the friend told he was like “What the fuck Ever”. At first, he was concerned, but then he just laughed at the gossip monger. Which is what he probably should do. It’s best to just leave the Queen wondering. He knows he has a group of new friends that support him and will be there to listen/help in anyway we can. Yeah, what the fuck ever.
BTW- For the record, I hate the phrase “The Scene”. LOL!
I hate people like that.
I’m sort of running into an interesting issue like that myself. I’m open and out about being kinky and twisted, but only to select few friends and close people.
However, my ex has decided to use his knowledge of what I like against me, and just casually tell people all of what I’m into, just to embarrass me. It’s rather cruel of a person to do such a thing, whether for motivated revenge or otherwise.
As the guy behind the original gearfetish.com, I cannot agree more. Matter of fact, the reason I gave away the site in 2002 was because of my own personal conflicts (self-loathing, conflicts with my partner, the usual stuff I still hear about today).
It’s hard enough for someone to come out as gay, even with public sentiment becoming more tolerant today. But kink is a pretty private thing. Even (truly!) straight guys have confided in me about how much they sympathize with gay people now, and feel closeted in their own way, as their fetishes can dominate their lives.
On some sites I’ve started using my real, full name, as I’m much more comfortable about myself and my interests than I once was. In a situation like you described, I’d take the opportunity to interject with a verbal face-slap to the gossipy one. I would never, EVER, “out” someone for their private interests, doubly so in a mixed crowd!
There is innuendo, and then there’s tastelessness. I detest the latter.